Author Topic: Funny News Article  (Read 2531 times)

Offline CK9

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« on: November 17, 2005, 04:06:51 PM »
Murderer Points a Finger at God

Suing Him for failing to save him from Devil
Reneged on "baptism pact" to keep evil at bay

A conivcted murderer says the Devil made him do it- but he wants God to pay for his sins.
The inmate, a Romainian identified only as Pavel M., is suing God for failing to save him from satan.
Pavel says when he was babtized as a child, he was in fact making a pact with God that was supposed protect him from all evil and keep him out of trouble.
"God recieved...valuables from me, as well as prayers in exchange for promises of a better life," he notes in his lawsuit.
"In reality, this did not happen- I found myself in the devil's hands."
Pavel, who's serving 20 years in the Timisoara jail in western Romainia, has fingered the Romainian Orthodox Church as God's direct representitive here on Earth.
And he says it's the church that should be forced to compensate him for the God- inflicted damage wrought by His alleged crimes: "Cheating, concealmeant, abuse against peaople's interest, taking bribe and traffic or influence."
Pavel's complaint was sent to the Timisoara Court of Justice and forwarded to the prosecutor's office.
But court officials say the suit will likely be dropped because the defendant- identified as "God, resident in Heaven"- is neither an individual nor a company, and therefore not subject to a civil court's jurisdiction.
And besides, they could have difficulty dilivering the subpoena.
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Offline dm-horus

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« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2005, 04:14:29 PM »
1) He's insane.

2) No way this is real.

3) He's insane.

4) Did I mention he's insane?

Offline spirit1flyer

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« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2005, 05:00:24 PM »
Quote
1) He's insane.

say that to the guy who sued the RV maker who forgot to add a warning that the RV would not drive itself :P

Quote
2) No way this is real.

it could be...... Stranger things have happened
"Until you stalk and overrun You can't devour anyone"


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Offline BlackBox

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« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2005, 05:10:25 PM »
Romania... hmm....

I once read a story about a guy who had his ... uhh, let's just use the word 'precious organs' explode when he was doing ... err, something everyone knows about. Without it you might not be here. :heh:

Offline Betaray

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« Reply #4 on: November 17, 2005, 05:16:11 PM »
a perfact combanation of gonads and strife

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/weeee.php
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I am the nincompoop, I eat atomic bombs for breakfest, fusion bombs for lunch, and anti-matter bombs for dinner

I just hope they don't explode

Offline CK9

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« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2005, 08:47:57 PM »
..<_<
*pulls out modstick and whacks beta*

okay then.  No, this article is not fake, it is a real article from a real newspaper.
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Offline leeor_net

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« Reply #6 on: November 18, 2005, 09:45:20 AM »
The problem today is that people don't want to take responsibility for their actions. In this case, it is IMPOSSIBLE to blame anyone but yourself. You had the choice... period. And, if he wants to say that God was supposed to protect him from Evil, I hate to break it but it says in all of the scriptures/bible/whatever that everyone has FREE WILL. That's a keyword there. That also means that Satan doesn't have control over someone's mind. So he has nothing to do but sit on his thumb and twist it around. Bah.

I hate people sometimes...  :yawn:  

Offline dm-horus

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« Reply #7 on: November 18, 2005, 09:57:38 AM »
Quote
a perfact combanation of gonads and strife

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/weeee.php
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

hahaha! how long you been on ABS? i love gonads and strife :P

Offline Freeza-CII

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« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2005, 11:07:12 AM »
Hmmm a fool was cought and decided to try to scam his way out.  Nothing insane here folks just someones attempt to get out of jail free by using god.

Offline Betaray

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« Reply #9 on: November 18, 2005, 02:32:30 PM »
I love ABS, ive been there for years lol

yea, I agree, but I dont want to get too far, because if we dont tread carefully it could turn into another religion debate
I am the nincompoop, I eat atomic bombs for breakfest, fusion bombs for lunch, and anti-matter bombs for dinner

I just hope they don't explode

Offline zigzagjoe

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« Reply #10 on: November 19, 2005, 01:03:59 PM »
lol the weee! is funny but the gonads.....thats just random.

and as far as the article goes, is that really true?  :blink:  

Offline spirit1flyer

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« Reply #11 on: November 19, 2005, 01:24:37 PM »
Quote
and as far as the article goes, is that really true? 

well how much do you trust CK9?  :P  
"Until you stalk and overrun You can't devour anyone"


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Offline CK9

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« Reply #12 on: November 20, 2005, 02:54:28 PM »
spirit, wrong person to ask.  I don't think zzj or freeza trust me very much, lol :P
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Offline plymoth45

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« Reply #13 on: November 22, 2005, 11:29:33 AM »
*Clears throat* ROTFL! Thats hilarious lol.

btw, CK is one of the most trustworthy people I know :)

Offline Eddy-B

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« Reply #14 on: November 22, 2005, 11:44:32 AM »
Quote
a perfact combanation of gonads and strife

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/weeee.php
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i couldn't follow MOST of what they "singing" but i was ROFLMFAO !
Rule #1:  Eddy is always right
Rule #2: If you think he's wrong, see rule #1
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Offline CK9

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« Reply #15 on: November 22, 2005, 12:10:27 PM »
:o !  Could it be that plym has returned to the forum?

BTW, I feel kinda bad, 'cause I'm typing this in class, but I'm done and just waiting for my project partner to show up.  *twiddles thumbs*
CK9 in outpost
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srentiln in minecraft (I like legos, and I like computer games...it was only a matter of time...) and youtube...
xdarkinsidex on deviantart

yup, I have too many screen names