Author Topic: Air Force Maintenance Logs  (Read 2816 times)

Offline Duo

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Air Force Maintenance Logs
« on: March 01, 2004, 01:03:33 PM »
Here is a funny email I got from one of my cousins.

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Air Force Maintenance Logs    

Totally off the record... Never let it be said that Air Force ground crews and
engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by Air Force pilots and the
corrective action recorded by mechanics.

(P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and S stands for the
corrective action taken by the mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
 
 
 

xfir

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Air Force Maintenance Logs
« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2004, 01:08:33 PM »
Funny funny.

I especially like the "Evidence Removed" reply.

Offline Duo

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Air Force Maintenance Logs
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2004, 01:16:26 PM »
I like all of them :D

here is a poem:

 'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
 HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
 IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF
 PLASTER AND STONE.
 
 I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY
 WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
 AND TO SEE JUST WHO
 IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.
 
 I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,
 A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
 NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS,
 NOT EVEN A TREE.
 
 NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,
 JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
 ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES
 OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.
 
 WITH MEDALS AND BADGES,
 AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
 A SOBER THOUGHT
 CAME THROUGH MY MIND.
 
 FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT,
 IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
 I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER,
 ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.
 
 THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING,
 SILENT, ALONE,
 CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR
 IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.
 
 THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE,
 THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
 NOT HOW I PICTURED
 A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.
 
 WAS THIS THE HERO
 OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
 CURLED UP ON A PONCHO,
 THE FLOOR FOR A BED?
 
 I REALIZED THE FAMILIES
 THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
 OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS
 WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.
 
 SOON ROUND THE WORLD,
 THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
 AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE
 A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.
 
 THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM
 EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
 BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS,
 LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.
 
 I COULDN'T HELP WONDER
 HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
 ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE
 IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.
 
 THE VERY THOUGHT
 BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
 I DROPPED TO MY KNEES
 AND STARTED TO CRY.
 
 THE SOLDIER AWAKENED
 AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
 "SANTA DON'T CRY,
 THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;
 
 I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,
 I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
 MY LIFE IS MY GOD,
 MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS."

 THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER
 AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
 I COULDN'T CONTROL IT,
 I CONTINUED TO WEEP.
 
 I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS,
 SO SILENT AND STILL
 AND WE BOTH SHIVERED
 FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.
 
 I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE
 ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
 THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR
 SO WILLING TO FIGHT.
 
 THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER,
 WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
 WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA,
 IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."
 
 ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH,
 AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
 "MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND,
 AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT."
 
 (This poem was written by a Marine
 stationed in Okinawa Japan.
 The following is his request.
 I think it is reasonable.....)
 
 " PLEASE. Would you do me the kind favor
 of sending this to as many people as you can?
 Christmas will be coming soon
 and some credit is due to our U.S. service
 men and women for our being able to
 celebrate these festivities."
 
 Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe.
 Make people stop and think of our heroes,
 living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.
 Please, do your small part to plant this small seed.


 

Offline plymoth45

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Air Force Maintenance Logs
« Reply #3 on: March 01, 2004, 07:44:43 PM »
lol, that last one is the one that got me.

Offline CK9

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Air Force Maintenance Logs
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2004, 08:24:10 PM »
I've seen all those in a different format before, but still very funny.
CK9 in outpost
Iamck in runescape (yes, I still play...sometimes...)
srentiln in minecraft (I like legos, and I like computer games...it was only a matter of time...) and youtube...
xdarkinsidex on deviantart

yup, I have too many screen names

Offline plymoth45

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Air Force Maintenance Logs
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2004, 10:21:51 PM »
do you have anymore?

Offline Kiith Somtaaw

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« Reply #6 on: March 01, 2004, 10:33:08 PM »
Humorous

Cat installed...

 :lol: lol




 

Offline Duo

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Air Force Maintenance Logs
« Reply #7 on: March 03, 2004, 06:42:36 PM »
Here is another one:

Disk Eating Main Frame
 
Totally off the record... An old friend of mine who has passed related this story to
me, so forgive me for not remembering the names of the equipment, but this was
just too funny to not share.

He was working tech support for a hotel chain. One day they get this call that the
archiving computer is eating their backup tapes/disk. From my understanding
these things were about the size of a old LP. (Yes this was a while back)

Of course this was hard to believe, but he went to the site anyway. They walked to
the back room, put the disk in the computer and clamped down the locking bar.
(Dear god do you remember those?) They then went back out to the terminal and
the employee went through all of the motions perfectly. When they go back to
retrieve the disk, the drive is unlocked and the disk is gone. They were the only
ones in that part of the building. So they load up another disk and my friend stays
to watch the machine. About 10 minutes later, the drive pops open and rockets the
disk out of the drive.

It turns out something in the ejection equipment had failed and when the computer
would spring the disk up, nothing would stop it on it's flight out of the drive, across
the room, down to the slick floor. . . and under the copy machine.

 
 

Offline ZeusBD

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Air Force Maintenance Logs
« Reply #8 on: March 04, 2004, 09:43:57 AM »
I really enjoyed the Air Force Maintenance Logs. I am in the military myself. That poem was really nice. I'm stationed away from home, and the poem really hit home. I may have gone home for Christmas, but for the other 12 months, they were spent alone oversea's. I had to pass that poem on to my fellow Airman.
In the dark I'm at home, in the light I'm on the battlefield. A Dragon's life is a constant struggle for survival. But in the end, we will prevail.
Go check out my site: http://www.frankandami.com
E-mail me: ZeusBD at yahoo.com

Offline Zircon

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Air Force Maintenance Logs
« Reply #9 on: March 08, 2004, 12:26:07 PM »
A little humor...
_______________

The other day I went to the local religious book store where I saw a "Honk if You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed!

I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found a lot of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must love the Lord because pretty soon he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game with him shouting, "Go, Jesus Christ, Go!" Everyone else started honking too, so I leaned out my window, waved and smiled to all these people.

One guy was waving to me in a funny way, with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my two kids what that meant and they kinda squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that was the Hawaiian good luck sign. The guy must have been from Hawaii himself because he was yelling something about "Sunny Beach" to me. So I leaned out the window and gave him the Hawaiian good luck sign back.

A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed the light was green and I stepped on the gas. A good thing I did because I was the only driver to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign as I drove away.

Praise the Lord that sharing my love for Jesus made all those folks so happy.  

xfir

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Air Force Maintenance Logs
« Reply #10 on: March 08, 2004, 06:31:54 PM »
ROFLMAO

Gotta love the newbs.. This is a rather interesting thread. Keep em coming, please!

Offline Zircon

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« Reply #11 on: March 09, 2004, 10:05:59 AM »
Another one...
__________________

A ten year old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face, and went right past them straight to his room, where he quietly closed the door.

For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime. This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the first quarter report card.

The boy walked in with his report card - unopened - laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it, and to her amazement, she saw a bright red "A" under the subject of MATH. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress.

"Was it the nuns that did it?", the father asked. The boy only shook his head and said, "No."

"Was it the one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?"

"No."

"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?"

"Nope," said the son. "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy they nailed to the 'plus sign,' I just knew they meant business!"