Mr. Cheese Resurrects; Conquers Australia
by Outpost Tabloid Reporteer Philip Ulrich
Mr. Cheese, a moldy, swissy, bullet-holed cheese came back to life nine o'clock this morning. Millions were shocked by the resurrection. Then Mr. Cheese set out on a military campaign to conquer Australia.
Our reporter was there at the moment of the resurrection, and asked Mr. Cheese these questions:
Q: You're alive, Mr. Cheese?
A: My name is Evil Mr. Cheese.
Q: I think Zircon would disapprove of your new title.
A: Zircon wouldn't let me go. I wanted to roam free, and conquer Australia.
Q: Why conquer Australia?
A: To free all the captivated cheeses of the world.
Q: Why not conquer Wisconsin?
A: Too cold right now.
After that, Mr. Cheese grabbed an AK-47 as he grew arms. I ran, as he fired at the press, ending the lives of a few distinguised reporters, including some General. He then hijacked an airplane.
After landing in Australia, he called upon all cheeses to rise up and revolt. With a few brilliant tactics and strategies, Mr. Cheese conquered Australia in less than two hours. The UN have called on him to cease to exist, or his army will be melted by thermonuclear radiation. Upon hearing this, posters here then were able to get knux out of Australia.
How could such a lovable cheese turn. How could he grow arms and conquer Australia? How come I'm out of beef? I guess we will find out next time, I get to write an article.
---philipu2001