Author Topic: Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory  (Read 4216 times)

Offline Brazilian Fan

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« on: October 04, 2006, 03:20:46 PM »
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He had only time to see a huge explosion exterminating the last humans before fainting.

Sep 17, 32 a.CC.

Inside Phoenix Voyager orbiting New Terra

Leon Werner was with two hundred more others on the cryo deck listening the captain's voice coming out of high quality multi-speakers.

"We have leaved more than 200 people from our old colony behind. That they stay on hour memories as heroes forever."

There was a pause

"Our travel is expected to take from 70 up to 100 years. All the time we stay on space, the ship will be controlled by three Savant series computers: Lambda, Apothem and Alpha. Only me and high class officers have the authorization to stay awake on the transition time between the stellar systems. Thank you."

A soft female voice came out of the speakers "Two minutes to start cryo stasis. Ten minutes to launch Phoenix Voyager to Sirrus stellar system."

Leon walked up to his cryo module and pressed the green button 'START'.

"Starting cryogenic stasis process"

And all went blur......


Well, thats just an 'intro' for the story. I'll write more when I get home (Im on a LAN House).

a.CC=After Conestoga Crash

Please forgive my english. I'm better reading than writing
« Last Edit: January 16, 2007, 06:35:45 PM by Brazilian Fan »

Offline Slaughter (PhodoX)

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2006, 07:43:25 AM »
Quote
Please forgive my english. Im better reading than writing

So I am. Man, You intro looks good. I liked that. I hope there comes other chapters.

YEAH BRASIL (With "S", the true way to say) LET'S GO KICK ASS!
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Here comes the SUPERNOVA SWARM!


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Offline Brazilian Fan

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2006, 04:39:46 PM »
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HAHAUHAIAHIAU. Thanks Slaughter (PhodoX) for the comment.
I'm planning to write AT LEAST two chapters a month and around 20-30 chapters total.

Ok here's the first one


Chapter One: A New Beggining

Jan 29, 241 a.CC.

Inside Phoenix Voyager orbiting an unknown planet


A Savant like voice came out of the speakers

"Initiating de-cryo procedures. Starting to administrate coagulators and adrenaline"

Leon felt a sudently change in the temperature, it was cold, very cold.

"Starting to rise temperature"

Very slowly, all of the cryo modules started to make a big noise and to liberate lot of vapor.

"Opening cryo chambers"

A click and, at the same time, all the cryo modules opened. Leon walked out of his cryo module and breathed for the first time in about 100 years. But there was something different, it was feeling different. Nope, nothing to worry.

"We have arrived on the Sirrus system and we are currently orbiting Elária, one of the ten moons of Sirrus-6 giant gas class planet. Everyone to your posts, I want a landing site in two days." said the captain throught the speakers."And I want Leon Werner, ID 2040, on my office. Now!"

Leon stayed questioning himself why he has being called to the commander's office until him saw a white door labeled 'Commander Sandro Galtran'. No that just don't make sense, no sense at all.......

Feb 12, 241 a.CC.

Test outpost on Elária's surface

Leon's quarters


"The blight, THE BLIGHT IS APROACHING! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE, NO ONE CAN ESCAPE THE BLIGHT!!" screamed someone in the residential module #4 after hearing the Sanvant's automated warning ~THE BLIGHT IS APROACHING, INICIATING EVACUATION PROCEDURES.~

~TIME ESTIMATED FOR BLIGHT ARRIVAL: FOUR MINUTES. TOTAL COLONY LOCKDOWN IN THREE MINUTES. TIME TO COLONISTS MODULE LAUNCH: ONE AND A HALF A MINUTE AND COUTING.~

In the next moment, everyone just ran to the exit tube, including Leon. Arriving at the Spaceport, he entered in the line to embark the Evacuation Module like everyone else in the colony. Only a few would have the chance to go to the new colonyship Phoenix Voyager, and Leon was one of them.

~TIME ESTIMATED FOR BLIGHT ARRIVAL: THREE MINUTES. TOTAL COLONY LOCKDOWN IN TWO MINUTES. TIME TO COLONISTS MODULE LAUNCH: 30 SECONDS~

Leon was already on the RLV when he saw a pregnant woman trying to embark, after the 30secs warn was been annouced by the Savant, the two guards that were helping the woman threw her and runned into the RLV, closing the hatch behind them. "Well, two less" thought someone in the transport.

~FIVE~

The remaining colonists broke the barrier and were running to the RLV

~FOUR~

~THREE~

~TWO~

It was like hell, no, it was hell.

~ONE~

They have reached the RLV

~ZERO.~

The RLV principal engine ignited. Everyone in the RLV could smell the burned flesh. Leon payed a price too high for his curiosity, when he looked down, he saw the pregnant woman running and being burned with the rest of the rebels. Not a good
scene for someone only 12 years old.

End of Chapter One
« Last Edit: January 16, 2007, 06:37:31 PM by Brazilian Fan »

Offline Slaughter (PhodoX)

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2006, 09:27:52 AM »
Wow, that scene looked all like "Fight for survival" and all. Perfectly fit on a evacuation where everyone wants to run and not to help the others.
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Offline Brazilian Fan

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #4 on: October 24, 2006, 04:46:33 PM »
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Yes, this a fight for survival. But will they succeed?

Chapter two: Nightmare

Feb 13, 241 a.CC.

Test outpost on Elária's surface

Agridome #3


"what's happening Leon? You are pale." Asked Carmen Kuhulain, Leon's best friend.

"Another nighmare..." Answered Leon.

"26 years and afraid of nighmares? Come on, wake up, that is past. Look at that window" said Carmen pointing to the south window at the agridome. "Do you see any type of evacuation convoy or combat vehicles, people running? Do you hear any alarms? No, because the blight is history, the rivalry between the Eden and Plymouth is over. This is the new Earth, the paradise, or whatever you want to call this wonderful place."

"Sermon finished? I have to work."

"Where are you going? Your work starts only tommorow."

"The commander ordered me to go to the Advanced Lab, don't ask me why. See you on the work."

"See ya."

Feb 13, 241 a.CC.

Test outpost on Elária's surface

Advanced Lab #1


Leon slowly moved his head for the eye scanner analyze his eyeprint. A low bip on the panel and the metal door opened. Two guars were standing in the small room, with a body scanner in the middle and a closed door on the other side of the room.

"The commander is waiting for you, please stand in the scanner with your arms up." Said one of the guards holdidng a styckfoam gun.

Leon walked up to a circle and a metal ring started to scan his body for any hided dangerous materials. "Free" said the guard after look at a LCD panel. "You may enter now"

The closed door opened and Leon entered the Advanced Lab. The commander Sandro Galtran that was waiting at the entrance stood in front of Leon. "Welcome, I think you know why I asked you to come here, right?" Leon did a 'yes' signal with the head. "Wolderful! Here is the planet report. Your transport is waiting underground." Now? Thought Leon. Excitment rising. He readed the report:

Name: Elária
Class: Moon
Orbit: Giant gas class planet
Atmosphere: 80% Nitrogen, 19% Oxigen and 1% Others elements
Gravity: 1.1
Uderground water probability: 87%
Terrain type: Mostly plains
Habitable scale (Earth=1): 0.9666666666
Size scale (Earth=1): 1.25

Leon stopped reading. "Commander, this report... Is it correct?"

"100% right" answered Sandro, and added: "The data is from today"

"But, it's an Earth copy, even with breathble air. Why we still live inside compressed buildings?"

"Keep reading... You see?" Leon almost had a heart attack with the surprise "That's why we can't, in any way, stay without protection while on this planet"

Yes, I can understand, thought Leon.

End of Chapter Two
« Last Edit: January 16, 2007, 06:44:58 PM by Brazilian Fan »

Offline Slaughter (PhodoX)

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #5 on: October 24, 2006, 06:18:00 PM »
Interesting cliffhanger. So, in a planet with breathable, there's something wrong. Looking forward to the next chapters!
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Here comes the SUPERNOVA SWARM!


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Offline Brazilian Fan

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #6 on: October 24, 2006, 06:40:39 PM »
I'm going to correct any grammar and spelling errors, so, the next chapter can have a delay.

Offline Jgamer

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2006, 02:13:22 PM »
Hum... Interesting history. Seems very cool so far, just watch out not to make the history bounce through the timeline a lot. It sorta gets confusing. But it may be your intent...
Also, may I do something? *estrangula* Man, using THAT NAME for the captain? Eesh

Offline Brazilian Fan

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« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2006, 03:33:54 PM »
I am not THAT good with names. So I borrowed 'Sandro Galtran' from a brazilian HQ called 'Holy Avenger'.

But if you have any ideas thought... :whistle:  

Offline Slaughter (PhodoX)

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #9 on: October 28, 2006, 09:20:39 AM »
I think that using a name from a diferent language is absolutely normal. I mean, do you guys really think that Conestoga REALLY leaved out with lots of people all from America?

I like to think of a Conestoga with people from multiple nacionalities, and besides, people at Outpost2 had various diferent names and not all of them where just American or British. I mean, I think that Conestoga was inhabited by people of all places on the world.

Besides, this leaves "namemaking" easier from the author, after all, naming ANYONE with english names and not being repetitive at the same time is DAMN HARD, I MEAN HARD!
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Offline Jgamer

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #10 on: October 28, 2006, 09:19:28 PM »
I know exactly who you stole it from... Sandro Galtran, the thief... Oh, man! I mean, doesn't even needs to be english-sounding. And hey, I doubt anybody but me noticed who it was, just being a prick, don't worry

Offline Slaughter (PhodoX)

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« Reply #11 on: October 29, 2006, 09:25:22 PM »
Heh, no prob. I knew that all the time.
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Here comes the SUPERNOVA SWARM!


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Offline Brazilian Fan

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #12 on: November 21, 2006, 06:02:38 PM »
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Not stolen, borrowed...

Chapter three: Halo

Feb 13, 241 a.CC.

Test outpost on Elária's surface

Underground transport


"So, this bacteria. Err, 'Halo', is why we can't go outside?" Asked Leon.

"Yes, seems that Halo is a pathological bacteria, like HIV. In contact, humans die in a maximum of one minute..." Answered the commander, with the head down. "This disease has no cure, but some 'special' people has developed a natural counter-agent. This counter-agent, named 'AS-15', seems to be special type of protein. I said special because it acts like a living organism and is programmed to seek and destroy the Halo."

"Programmed? You mean that the proteins have a DNA?" Asked Leon

"Sort of, they have a more advanced way to be programmed. We don't fully understand yet, but we know that this is natural."

Leon looked outside the transport and took a long breath while staring at a new strange scene, the transport was on the surface and Leon could see city ruins at the horizon.

"What the f...!?" said Leon a little too loud "Hum, sorry. But there was any colony here before the Test outpost was mounted?"

"No!" shocked Sandro a little surprised "And there are more still to come..."

The commander said something on his comm-link and turned to Leon

"We need to hurry, there is more I have to show you."

The transport came to a full stop.

End of Chapter Three

So, what you guys think? Nice, boring, 'tosco'?
« Last Edit: January 16, 2007, 06:42:12 PM by Brazilian Fan »

Offline Kurgan

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #13 on: January 06, 2007, 08:30:19 PM »
I know it's been a few months since anything was posted here, but I still have to say a few things.
Except for the spelling issues, this was pretty good. Reminds me of my early probes into writing. For someone who doesn't write english well, I have to say it was great. I hope you get more of these down soon, and I'm always here to help give tips if you need 'em.
Look forward to seeing more of this story.  (thumbsup)
« Last Edit: January 06, 2007, 08:32:03 PM by Kurgan »

Offline Brazilian Fan

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #14 on: January 07, 2007, 06:21:30 AM »
WOW, thanks Kurgan. I wasn't posting here because I'm making some changes into the storyline to make it compatibe with the official Novella (don't if it will be Eden or Plymouth) and other storyes (by me, of course). Probably, next month I'll start it again

Offline Leviathan

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« Reply #15 on: January 07, 2007, 12:43:19 PM »
Good to hear your still working on it :D

Offline Brazilian Fan

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« Reply #16 on: January 09, 2007, 08:39:56 AM »
:P

I've decided, I'll work with the Plymouth version. I'm rewritting the intro and I'll post here soon.

Thankyou for all the support.

Offline Brazilian Fan

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #17 on: January 16, 2007, 06:26:57 PM »
Finally, here is the rewritten 'intro' for the Outpost 3.

WARNING: Because the story is not-linear, read very careful to not get lost :P

Outpost 3: NeoGenesis Theory prologue
Dawn of Sorrows


'He had only time to see a huge explosion exterminating the last humans before fainting'

Phoenix Voyager orbiting New Terra
Command Module


“IS SHE MAD?!”-Yelled the ship's commander at the comm linked to the Plymouth Command Center-”Do whatever you can, but STOP HER! Unless you want a colony ship without any colonists.”-He brutally hung the comm and turned the operator in charged with the sensors arrays-”I want visual, show me what that Echo is doing. Show me our home colony.”

The main panel flickered and a monstrous battle was seen: hundreds of vehicles, hiding and firing, defending and destroying. Explosions everywhere.

“Sir, an incoming Eden SULV. It is asking for docking, reports four injured civilians.”-Said the sensor's operator.

“Provide it's location as target to our new weapons system and fire at will. DAMN, fire at it's engines and let them die.”-Answered the commander as quickly as possible without taking the eyes out of the going battle.

The sensor's operator seemed shocked. “But sir, they're civilians...”

Now everyone was paying attention at the discussion.

“f*** THE EDENITES. IF YOU DON'T DO AS I SAY, I'LL DUMP YOU AT THE NEAREST AIRLOCK AND DO IT MYSELF!”-Yelled the commander.

No one had ever seen the commander like that, he has a strong temperament, but nothing compared to cold blooded murder.

“Sorry, I'm under lot of stress. What's your name son?”

The pale operator answered: “Hudson sir, my name is Hudson”

“Well Hudson, I want you to charge our weapons and blow them to hell. Don't misunderstand me, it's my job to protect the remains of the human kind and this ship. And it's your job to follow my orders. Fire it now!”

The comm started ringing at the same time that the alarm went on.

~We're under fire... Heavy losses... Starting to send extra payload~

“Sir! 2... 3 Eden SULVs detected. It seems like they're armed. Confirmed by Savant Priest, laser weapons.”-Said someone

The commander was giving orders fastest as possible-“Load RPG bays 1 through 5. FIRE! And someone shut off those damn alarms.”-The commander was surprised. He was working on space since the Skydock was built and was used to critical situations, but nothing compared to that. It was becoming a nightmare, no, worse that that.

“An unidentified object detected, well, sir... You'll need to see it for your self.”

The ground battle was replaced by a huge ship descending it's orbit. It was the unfinished Eden's version of their Phoenix Voyager.

“What?!”-It took a few seconds for the commander to understand the scenario.-”s***. Use Savant Saber and pinpoint that ship's crash location.”

“Savant Saber reports that the Eden's ship crash location will be exactly the main Plymouth Command Center.”

"Savant Priest reports that all Eden SULVs were destroyed."

"Hell, s***. I need... No... f***!"-The commander paused-"It's the only option..."-Now he was very silent-"... Alber, take the bridge. I have to visit a friend..."-And started to run.

"Sir? Where are you going?"-Yelled Alber, but the commander was too far away.

The commander was sweting, but that was an emergecy. He'd use his new toy.

End of Prologue
« Last Edit: January 16, 2007, 06:57:20 PM by Brazilian Fan »

Offline Brazilian Fan

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #18 on: February 03, 2007, 12:30:23 PM »
That was a strange one, where were my head when i wrote that down?  :blink:

I still want to complete this story, but I don't know when I'll get working back on it  :find:

That's all  :D

 :op2:  4 ever

Offline Slaughter_Manslaught

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Outpost 3: Neogenesis Theory
« Reply #19 on: February 08, 2007, 08:43:31 AM »
I'm BACK!!! Hey Brazilian! Long time, no see! How it's going?
Neogenesis Theory looks nice man!