Outpost Universe Forums

Off Topic => Test/Spam Forum => Topic started by: Hooman on September 15, 2005, 10:46:20 PM

Title: Weapons Of Math Instruction
Post by: Hooman on September 15, 2005, 10:46:20 PM

I got the following in an email circulating around the math department at the university I go to. Someone just reminded me of it, so I thought I'd find it and post it. Enjoy.  :)

Quote

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to
be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while
in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a
calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement.  He is
being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said.  "They desire average
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a
search of absolute value.  They use secret code names like "x" and "y"
and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they
belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates
in every country.  As the Greek philanderer, Isosceles, used to say,
there are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have
given us more fingers and toes."

"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is
intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to
disintegrate us with calculus disregard.  Murky statisticians love to
inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding:

"Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our
point, and draw the line."

President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the
potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before
seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in
random facts of vertex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my
ellipse.  While I am uncertain of the following, it is clear that, as
they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse
tightens around their necks."

Title: Weapons Of Math Instruction
Post by: zigzagjoe on September 15, 2005, 10:51:19 PM

all i ahve to say....LMAO  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  

Title: Weapons Of Math Instruction
Post by: Eddy-B on September 16, 2005, 02:09:54 AM

it's nice .. but haven't i seen this before somewhere on this website ?

Title: Weapons Of Math Instruction
Post by: CK9 on September 16, 2005, 02:35:10 AM

*GROAN!!!*  I was hoping that joke was only being told by my jounior year math teacher in high school,

Title: Weapons Of Math Instruction
Post by: Leviathan on September 16, 2005, 04:10:08 AM

oh har de har!

Title: Weapons Of Math Instruction
Post by: zanco on September 16, 2005, 11:51:13 AM

:lol:  :lol:  :heh:  :P  :lol: LMAO! I was like LMAO!!! That totally killed me.
"al-gebra" LOL.
 

Title: Weapons Of Math Instruction
Post by: CK9 on September 16, 2005, 12:29:29 PM

Hey zanco, like sig pics? :heh:

Title: Weapons Of Math Instruction
Post by: Tellaris on September 16, 2005, 11:17:41 PM

Heard that one before...   Back in 01' ish.  Its not really new...   But it is a goodie.   Then theres that dirty math one...
http://forum.outpostuniverse.net/index.ph...indpost&p=30816 (http://forum.outpostuniverse.net/index.php?showtopic=1511&view=findpost&p=30816)

Title: Weapons Of Math Instruction
Post by: BlackBox on September 19, 2005, 01:58:46 PM

lol. it is pretty bad but I guess thats what makes it funny.

I've heard a similar one, dealing with chemistry, but I can't recall it.. <_<