Outpost Universe Forums
Off Topic => General Interest => Topic started by: Tellaris on February 09, 2006, 04:45:25 PM
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The oppressive grey clouds hang low in the sky, threatening to snow. The wind, whipping across the barren landscape. While it is not snowing, it is seen flying quickly across the plain, and then is dropped just as suddenly as it was picked up. The snow drifts, numerous across the plain, are marked and scarred by the strong, careless wind. Bits of ice and snow hold back the relentless breeze, giving the landscape a streaked appearence. In the distance, the only other sound to the howling of the wind, is a bit of metal, blown against a pole. The ringing of the two pieces of metal is only faintly heard. In the distance, a row of small homes line the horizon. Snow covered, and almost hidden behind the snow drifts, no sign of life can be seen in them. The bleak, desolate terrain is disrupted by only a few, lone trees that have managed to stand despite the ice and wind. The cold is only amplified by this wind. I am reminded of home, as I look and see a bus, waiting. I turn my back to the bleak field, board the bus, and head into town.
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I'm making this seperate on purpose...
Tell me what you think of the above paragraph!
What was your first impression?
Its a warm -1 degree celsius today, with a wind of about 60km/h, northward.
The "Feild" above is merely the football field at the high school that I walked by on my way home today, minus the score posts. The snow is fairly deep today, so this effect is actually there! I also cut out the numerous trees in the background, and the "houses" are really a line of trailers, in a different part of town, that I cannot see from here. They are partially obscured by a nice sized hill, increasing this effect.
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My first impressions are that its a good peice of writeing and descpritive and i can imagine it well.
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lol we feel almost the cold wind... brrr
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Makes me think of the song Tundra by Tilt
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Never heard of that song. This is something that just occured to me as I whatched the wind blowing. I suddenly started writing that paragraph in my head, and I came home and put it here.
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This ground is too hard to break, it ruined a pick and a spade, it's frozen and solid as rock, my hands are numb from the shock...
I like that song, hehe
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im not sure what author that reminds me of. its good, but a little long. you do a good job of getting the feeling across, but if this were a segment from a book, im not sure id want to read it as a whole novel could be taken up with a trip to the grocery store if written in this style. but on its own, it does its job well in getting the feeling of the environment across. but like i said, if this were taken out of context it would need some serious trimming. a good tip i heard once that has helped my writing is to imagine as if you just walked up to a stranger and started reciting what you wrote. do you think someone would stick around to hear the rest of your thoughts after hearing the above paragraph? do you think theyd interrupt saying "hey, wtf do you want pal?" or "get to the point..." or would they be suitably gripped and enthralled, wanting to hear more? goodluck.
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Actually, I'm not trying to be a writter. I do not wish to be one, nor do I really have the patience to sit down and write for more then an hour, really. As I said, its just something that occured to me. Really, the only bit of usefulness it offers is to see how indepth and how well I can describe something like that.
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neet.