New novella

[Jgamer]

Hello guys, i am amking a novella and i tought i should post it, because i don't wanna place it all in an .txt file so i'll place every chapter as a post

Prologue:
-Probes returned...
-Examinating data
-?
-What happened?
-The new probes obtained data that the older ones didn't
-...New destination, Alderaan...
____________________________________________________________________
Chapter 1: The Arrival
After the first round in orbit it stopped in geostationary position, Conestoga 2 was ready to begin landing procedures.
It all begun by waking up the maintance crew members to verify the Seed Factory as well as the whole Phoenix Module. Among the 5 crew memebers the only one with enough training to be considered a scientist was a young one called Book Panati
-...
-What's up Brook?
-I'm starting to believe I shouldn't have come...
-Well, we were saved from that doomed world weren't we? Be happy!!
-But...
-HEY.., I'v lost someone dear there too..., but don't let you morale down there okay?
-Yeah... You're right
Soon the Phoenix Module was ready. A few moments before the module was setup to launch Brook hears in his commlink a strange voice, that resembles the savant voice but has an more masculine tone in it, instead of the feminini usually found in the savants:
-Don't worry, they are safe.
Spooked and scared he checks with hes companions and computers but there isn't any registry of the comunication
"Must be my imagination..., because of the long time frozen, yeah..." he thinks "But that voice reminded me of kraft somehow"
The Phoenix Module landed, quickly th Robo-Surveyors start searching for ores, what takes a long time, they seem to be pretty sparse, but they are deep.
While this happens the automated building sistem of the Phoenix Module starts to become various building ranging from the Command Center to the Neo Smelter (an smelter that can adapt to any form of smalting)
A little before the Seed Factory temporary reactor core become disabled the colonist module lands. They where awaken with no greater problem, at most just some bad stomach feeling.
The exeption to this where the Plymouth kids, awakened last, that had many problems, specially psicological trauma.
Everything went well for the rest of the time, exept for one thing...
While Brook admired the frozen Plymouth kids, before they where awaken, when he heard an strange noise in the radio, his reflexes told him to do something, wich came to him in the form of a voice:
-Close the door!
He immediatly closed the hermetical door leaving him and the kids completely isolated, after he closed the door he heard from his Clipcom the same voice that told him to close the door:
-Good you saved them all
The voice was acompained by an simbol re recognized has Kraft's one, wich disapeared at the same time as the voice.
The radio noise took some time and after it vanished he opened the dor taking a big gasp of air, he coldn't breath in there.
He believed that the fact that heard a voice that came from Kraft was an illusion due to the lack of oxigen

[Leviathan]

Hope its not till long till uve done the next section

[Jgamer]

Chapter 2: The Breakout
It's been 20 years since the colonyzation started, the new conly, called New Eden, grew a lot, but was still pretty limited due to the rarity of any source of metal.
It's a special day for sector 01-A, the colony's fisical center ( the political being moved long ago), 10 new scientists are going to graduate, but not common ones, they all are the descendents from Plymouth, and had been formed by the smartest and cheeriest person in the colony, the elder Brook Panati.
But it's not in their plans going to make any scientifical breakouts in the many labs of the colony, the only one they wanted to do they had already done, and where using it tonight:
-Hummm....
-6 convecs... Cheked
-9 cargo trucks... Cheked
-a robo miner... Cheked
-a robo surveior... Cheked
-an evacuation transport... Cheked
-Thanks elder, with this the plan can start soon.
-It was a lot of work to get these, you even asked for a vehicle we never built!!! At least tell me why.
-I'm not telling, where showing.
-...
Then the Plymouth student turns around to face what seems a wall and says:
-Krysta are you ready?
And it awnsers:
-At your orders
-Begin operations now!!
These last words went through the micriphone attached in the wall, it turned them into data stream and when it reached the core of the Robot Command Center it begun.
6 structure kits deemed wrongly build waiting to become GORF chow where loaded, each one a long distance away from the other, many cargo trucks came from various places bringing metals anf food, all that was left where the colonists, just 3 actually as the others where already in the evac transport.
From the ruins of Conestoga 2 to the old Neo Smelter, where the evac transport was going to get them, was a long walk. These 3 where: Julian, Geneticist and boptronics specialist; Mara, Hacker by prowess, teacher by profission; and Brook, the elder.
They walked this long path without any interfering, walked along crowded tubes that had morbid silence.
They finally reached the Neo Smelter when then someone stood in their way, the only one in this desert tube:
-I heard all your plans back there, i tought i could stopt you but you are three, i'll warn the council...
He dashes froward he knocks dow both Julian and Mara but, for everyones surprise, it's Brook who stops him:
-Following me old friend the elder from eden example i keep miself in good shape, and that includes 3 forms of marial arts so you better stop right there.
Well as prepared as he could be he couldn't avoid this attack, a kick right where it hurts, the man then keeps running but stops in the front of the airlock, and starts screaming:
-AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!! PLACE YOUR HELMETS! I'M NOT GOING TO BE CONTROLLED! RUN! QUICK!!!!!
Brook notices something in his voice that wasnt there before, something he hasn't heard in the New Edenites for a long time, warmth.
But before brook can think more tht strange man opens the arlock and jumps outside, the three almost suffocate because of their slow reflexes.
Later in the evac transport the 3 where talking in a corner:
-Look mister Brook, wasn't it really strange that man telling he was going to tell on us then just suiciding?
-Really... the New Edenites are acting pretty differently from what they acted in New Terra, they voice it's so empty of emotions now... even the coldest one had emotions in the past but now..
-Also... Don't call me mister again Julian, it makes me blur.
-Awww c'mon... My mother Diana tought i had to adress the olders with mister and sir, you know.... that is one of the few memories I have from her...
-Okay Julian... Okay...

[Jgamer]

Just to clear a point, here int this planet they did landed the whole Conestoga 2 :op2: after the colony was ready to serve as a museum (thumbsup)  

[Nomi Sunrider]

Looks like you've got a good start!  Lots of action already!  Two small pieces of advice I would offer are these:  It's a bit easier to read through a work if the typos and grammar errors (for example, try no to switch between past and present if you can help it) are kept to a minimum.  Just tidy those up a bit and you'll be in good shape!  Also, if you want an even more professional look to your work, try not to overuse punctuation marks.  In any case, the content you have so far is very interesting though!  I enjoyed reading it and hope you keep working on it!

[Jgamer]

er...
Wow, would you belive me when i say that i wrote this a few years ago? And i'm 16...
Anyway, thanks a lot, i guess i'll re-start my work in it, now that i have lotsa freetime

[Jgamer]

Hum...
Well, most of the novel is already written in my mind, i just have to type it out.
For your please, here it is Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Ore Valley and the Greater Savants
Soon the hiding parade of vehicles who came out of New Eden reached it’s destination. By a strike of luck, this valley extremely rich in minerals was discovered by Alastair, Geologist descendant from the Plymoutheers, so the new rebel colony had already a place to stay.
They made no ceremony to feel themselves home and soon started building what they stored in the convecs. They where not common buildings, theyre where not even separate buildings. It was one big building, that could do everything a colony would need, for a long time. It was their Seed Colony.
Soon the magnanimous colony was built, and later was found, or better, it announced itself. The colony of New Eden had knew of their escape soon after they went, but the lack of weaponry and smart tactical movement used by Krysta helped them reach their destination unbothered and unnoticed. But this would not go forever, as they revealed themselves, and even started a peacefull trade agreement with Eden, they would supply ores and Eden supplied high-tech equipment they did not had access to.
It was the beginning of the Rebels of Plymouth, which took on the name of their antecessors.
The new colony had flourished with new technologies, many, if not all, of the colonists had advanced knowledge of science in one way or another. This technological advancement  had now reached it’s peak in Savant engineering.
A special vehicle had been made, an evacuation transport retrofitted with the needed equipment to “upgrade” Savant computers without damaging they ID Protocols. This one had a strange origin too, the first batch of metal took from a mine, carried by a new Cargo Truck, the first batch stored in a Smelter. The ore that made this vehicle had never been in contact with any other ore.
The operation was a difficult one, Krysta was too valuable to have any damage, but was old and needed greatly this upgrade. Great care has been taken, but, even the least mistake could have great consequences, thank god it was a good one. Krysta’s outer shell was open, a few of it’s pure organic components where in contact with the metal of the vehicle. After the operation was done Krysta took a strange attitude
Krysta – Leave me here
Julian – Leave you here? You have to return to the Seed Colony, Mister Krysta.
Krysta – Belive me, please, leave me here
Julian – Hum… Okay, but… How long?
Kryta – You’ll see…
Julian stepped out of the vehicle slowly, muttering “I’m going to get scolded badly for that…”
During the course of the night, something strange happened, Krysta had felt that he had to stay here, but even he did no know exactly why, and now he begun to understand. Its organic components began to grow and absorb the equipment, and soon the whole vehicle had been taken and the equipment turned in prime matter to its electronic components.
The morning after, two figures stand in front of the docking bay’s door, One of them being Elder Brook and the other, Julian
Brook – He really told you to let him stay at the vehicle?
Julian – Y-Yes, but I don’t know why
Brook – Let’s see…
He typed the security password for the door to open, but it did not. It showed a message “Physical Obstruction”
Brook – “Physical Obstruction”? What’s happening here?
A voice replied from the speaker in his Clipcomm “Something that even I don’t know”
Brook – What? Krysta? What happened inside there?
Something changed Krysta, he had became much more powerfull, for the work that 5 savants at the Seed Colony where needed, he could do in a tenth of the time. Something in that metal did this to him.
 

[Jgamer]

Chapter 4: The Moving colony
This peaceful place did not last forever, tough, something really bad happened.
Kane, one of the first Rebels, one that came from Plymouth as a kid, specialist in radio communication as well as any sort of communication ranging from laser signals to morse code, was overseeing a routinely trade at the trading center in the edge of the colony.
Kane – Hum… Whazzat?
He said with a lousy tone, it’s was the most boring job of the whole colony, he thought, even the guys at the storage facilities must be having more fun.
Kane – 34… 34… 34… 36… 34…
Kane – 36!
He had located a wave with different amplitude, and a worrying one at that, this kind of radio wave was easy to use as a locator and was pretty close to the standard one too.
He now was making all the exercise he never made in a few years, more than 10 Km covered in less than 40 minutes, not to count having to evade people, moving cars, fair stands and the such.
Soon he stood before the Seed Factory’s entrance to the meeting hall, he heard voices
? – It really works! This Quicksilver is capable of making things semi-transparent, even tough it leaves a distorted image.
? – It’s not top priority to make things invisible Shanna, we’re already hidden well enough, we’re not relocating more scientists to your research.
Kane busted in with the loud noise of doors hitting cold metal
Kane – It is now! –he shouted– Look what I’ve seen!
He showed a report with the location codes. A figure rose up, there were just 4 persons in the room, not counting him. It was a tall man, blond and tanned skin, with a hard-to-forget face due to a strange marking in it, caused by chemical accident. He was Daryl, Military advisor, one of the childs of Plymouth too
Daryl – What? Let’s see… They’re after us, great thing, they can’t do anything!
Another figure raised, this one a more know figure due to his knowledge
Brook – Krysta, show them the satellite images…
Images appeared in the back wall of the room, they depicted testing of mechanical warfare, know weapons to Brook, but only in books the other saw them. Lasers and Rail guns.
Brook – I guess that’s a present for us
He said it with a worried and heavy tone, extremely worried about their future.
Shanna – I know what to do… - she mutters to herself
Brook – Any ideas Shanna?
Shanna – Yes, but it’s not something usual. I’ve been toying with the idea of making the entire colony mobile, basing it on the Power up Metal we have access to, we can make vehicles to take up the place of buildings and have each one with independent maintence, but there are still a few issues to research.
Brook – Looks like an idea, and a great one, what do you think Krysta?
The wall behind them replied, with the usual Savant voice
Krysta – Should work
Brook – And apply that Quicksilver too
The work began fast, communications where closed and radio transmission were jammed.
It took a whole year, but in this record time all the vital buildings were turned into vehicles, and the colony was ready to depart.
Brook – Krysta, is our mining plan ready? You know we can’t take a mine with us
Krysta – Do not worry yourself, everything’s at hand.
And the colony departed, turning the Rebels from peaceful bystanders in runaways