Author Topic: Outcaster's Novella And Intro(s)  (Read 3362 times)

Offline Lord Of Pain

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Outcaster's Novella And Intro(s)
« on: February 01, 2010, 03:27:56 PM »
Note: This story I first created and edited on a word processor. It is all my original but will collide with the original novella in a slight sense. It starts right after a chunk of Vulcan’s hammer hit’s the Mediterranean. Please enjoy...

Intro:
When Vulcan's hammer hits. The USS Mayhem (a spaceshuttle located west of Ireland) Commanded by the Scurvey with no feelings (Captain Virago Xallax Dues) go into troubles. This is a story about Nedraxor Zhaul Dues and his Parralle story to Axen moon's enemies; The Masters.


Part one: Within the chaos.
The alarms sang as people in white uniforms raced up ladders to their ordered stations. Sir Francis Balkon
steadily watched the news channels from his clip com. He watched as the monstrous waves hit Paris; there was nothing in his power he could do to help that. Sir Balkon watched as countless civilians ran screaming for their lives.

The captain looked irritably at Sir Balkon in a worried way.
“This is madness! Where is the Conestoga? Has it been launched?”
“No, my lord, but they are about to launch seven minutes behind schedule.”
 The captain grimly smiled and began to speak.
“Get a good lock on that USS satellite ASAP!” “Sir yes sir!”
“Oh and Mr. Bacon, please stop poisoning my children with that horrible news channel.”
The young French man went all red as the crew chuckled at him.
The captain’s two sons who were in their teens were huddled with 11 privates in their bunker.
Neo grinned as he heard his father’s footsteps in the hall. Everyone else leaped as the captain stopped in the doorway.

The captain grimly smirked.
“You disgrace our family, we sell you and buy Neo.”
Only Neo giggled a little. Everyone else stared at his father in a barren way.
One of the more sensitive sailors flew to a bed and  sobbed in his pillow. Neo rolled his eyes as his older brother Ned disgraced himself again. Ned was a dork and both Neo and the captain knew it, but what disgrace them was the fact that it was the older brother who was the nerd. Neo patted his brother’s back as his pillow got drenched in snot and tears. The captain rolled his eyes as he started to speak in an Irish accent.

“Come now lad, you know your old man doesn’t really mean this ‘err what I said now don’t you know I accept all my sailors especially you Ned.” Neo nodded toward the other sailors which included Ned.
The old captain who was known as the Scurvy with no feelings suddenly wept a tear drop. It ran down his cheek slowly; he was frowning. Neo saw his father for who he truly was; a soft man with a hard rusty shell. He always knew that about him even when society rejected him for his shell.

The captain slowly limped toward the bridge of the submarine. Neo told the 11 other sailors to leave him and his brother; they knew by his serious face a man-to-man lecture was going to be attempted by Neo.
Neo knew anything was possible; he was smart yet foolish, wise yet lazy, and caring but lacked sensitivity.
Ned wept more as he pulled out the picture of their mother. “If he loved us then how come he did not protect her? How could he not care!” Neo slapped his brother’s wrist with two fingers as the vein in his forehead began to grow. “Aaargh! What was that for?” Neo turned away from his brother as if he never existed and silently left their bunker and his sobbing brother.

Five minutes later Sir Francis Balkon knocked at the bunker rooms’ door. Ned jumped out of his bed.  
He noticed he was terrified with a pale face. Sir Balkon warmly smiled and spoke in a calm voice; “would you like to talk about your feelings Nedraxor?” Ned Warmly smiled back and sat on his bunk motioning his friend to sit next to him.
“At least you care about me, right uncle Bacon?” “With all my heart you and Neo both”
Ned began to speak in a high pitched voice, he spoke very fast.
“Why did daddy make fun of me? Do you not notice his evil smile? He thinks everyone is a joke, does he not? Why does he act so mean, aren’t daddies suppose to be there for you?” Ned squeezed Sir Balkon with a Baer hug and wept on him. Sir Balkon Held Ned gently and responsibly. “Shhh it’s ok, everything will be all right. There’s no need to worry; it’s not the end of the wor-”
 Before he could finish Ned squeezed him so tightly that he yelped. Ned let out a loud babyish cry as the satellite images showed all of Europe being engulfed by the monstrous wave of Ocean and debris. Francis plugged his ears as the winning cry went louder. Though it was not enough; some how his voice was being projected on the loud speakers and the ships’ alarm was only a faint whisper in the background.

The Subs’ computers and gages went whack as his screams broke the sound barrier that only aircraft could break. Sir Balkan’s ears began to gush blood; he banged his head repeatedly on the steel wall.
The captain, who’s crew was going nuts over the noise, put his earmuffs on and blasted the stereo.
Then he raced toward the bunker. The captain noticed a large connection cord running down the hall toward the bunk. It was bolted to the mega computer where Sir Francis Balkon got transmissions. He muttered under his breath; “curse that French swine!” He slid toward the corridor to the bunker; it was jammed shut. The noise was still going. He muttered again; “damn hacker!” He quickly pulled out his Fusionslicer and began to slice at what appeared to be the lock. When he busted the lock he kicked the door open with his military boots. As he stepped in his face went pale; Ned was on the floor drenched in blood. “No there’s still time!” He picked up his Son’s body and noticed no wounds on his body. Only his ears had blood coming out. He smashed the tape recorder that was connected to Sir Balkon’s back. “Was this suicide, or is there another party involved?” He plugged his boy’s ears with a second set of head phones and carried him to an escape pod. The USS Mayhem was sinking, but he had to wait until the first wave hit so it would be clear. His watched indicated 32.9865 seconds remaining until impact. At that exact moment the sub was bombarded by debris, it constantly fell as layer of sea water flattened the ocean floor. The Sub Span out of control and all of the sudden the captain felt like he was going to become a pancake against the wall. The sub glided head first at enormous speeds. What looked to be the top of the Eiffel tower flew over the sub. The sub suddenly slowed down as if the wave was gone. The captain started to feel lighter and lighter until he started to float. The captain smirked and turned his long range radio on. “Houston we have a large unidentified floating hot dog in space, send evac?” He waited a moment.
“Come in anyone? Is there any survivors of earth? -over.” He hesitated then tried again. He leaned nervously toward the window and saw the Conestoga coming out of the dust. “come in Conestoga; can you read me? Come in anyone you copy! -over.” The massive starship turned away from the sun and began to drift. “No we need evac; this is Captain Virago Xallax Dues, does anyone read? -over.”
A pod  marked ‘Conestoga’ drifted toward the airlock. Captain Dues floated toward his bunk and unlocked a chest. He then took out first aid and set it aside, it floated next to him. He then used a small hammer and broke the ‘do not break glass unless it’s doomsday’ and grabbed  a flat metal briefcase with pockets on it. He strapped it on his back, grabbed the first aid and floated toward Ned. He then swiftly typed a four digit number on his wrist com and pressed enter. Captain Dues made his way toward the one-manned escape pod, he strapped Ned in, put the supplies in with a note, and pressed the enter key again. The door slammed close, but he was not done yet; he knew that only a person on the bridge could navigate a pod if the person inside was unable. He made his way toward the bridge, then sat on his first mate’s chair and began the routine of prepping the pod. He then noticed an unknown spacecraft approaching in a head-on collision course with the bridge. “Computer how-” He remembered that his Savant was dead and he pushed the big red button that read; ‘Do not press unless manual navigation of pods are obsolete.’ He then programmed the Artificial Intelligence to dock with the nearest transport besides any unidentified craft. He smirked as he imagined his wife on the other side of a table. Captain Dues Poured the glass of wine into his fiancé’s glass. He smiled warmly as she blushed and noticed the Diamond ring plop inn her glace. He jokingly imitated the ascent of a French waiter. The images in his mind began to skip as his life flashed before his eyes. He then uploaded his private recordings of himself, his wife, and all the history of his family life. “For you, my dearest son; for you Ned, keep the earthly ways alive. I lo-” The transmission broke out as the bridge was smashed by the large RLV that zoomed unscratched past the bombarded moon. It craft boosted out of sight and range of sensors never to be seen again. Or will it?
Welp thats chapter one.
« Last Edit: April 27, 2011, 06:29:41 AM by Lord Of Pain »

Offline evecolonycamander

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Outcaster's Novella And Intro(s)
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2010, 01:21:02 PM »
Just a friendly critic


Very good but there are still some grammar issues you need to fix. this post will be deleted when you send me a pm referring to this post. and if you want a good cliffhanger don't put put or will it its just kind of taking away from the experience. Other then that, Great job! (thumbsup)


PS. i have grammar issues too
[/size]
''The blight cant get us up here!''
-famous last words
--------------o0o--------------
Outpost 2: EoM project status: Re-planning

Offline Lord Of Pain

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Outcaster's Novella And Intro(s)
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2011, 09:10:56 AM »
update: i will be revising thiszz story to go with the outcasters novella and the one ecc made... it will all lead up to it... though i cant spoil too much i will say this:

the hotlab explosion in eden was NOT an accedent and you shall witness how savants are truly made; a cruel way to create artificial life indeed... youll have to stay tuned for my next post... :)

EDIT: NEXT POST IS HERE. CHARACTER LIST! + PROLOGUE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quote
Prologue:

It was Armageddon and people were running riots in the streets like mad ants protecting their ant hill. As Vulcan’s Hammer came closer; looters, protesters and perhaps humanity itself stared into their worldly fate. Birds flew everywhere like an angry swarm of bees. Little mammals and insects buried into the ground as the monstrous asteroid was about to hit. Nearly 500 people had boarded the Conestoga and the Neue Hoffnung had around 350 people. The USS Mayhem, a smaller space shuttle, had around 50 people. As the asteroid fragments landed, the last few survivors departed the solar system.

Unofficially, however, there was a plot twist; the Neue Hoffnung which took off from a moon base set coarse to follow the Conestoga’s trail approximately 5 earth years behind. But a programming bug has separated the two starships. What was the error? Where did the Neue Hoffnung end up? How does the hot lab explosion occur in Eden?  Will the Burke sisters be reunited? Will the brothers Neo and Nedraxor reunite? Who is the cause to all this chaos? Stay tuned to find out the rest of the story here in OUTCASTERS NOVELLA!

Character list:

Sir Francis Balkon (or uncle bacon) was a French man in his mid 40s with brown hair, a mustache, and a clean shave. His height is 5’9”. He has been a long family friend of his captain Virago and has earned his title as first mate. Other than the head of communication throughout the USS Mayhem, he is generally responsible for caring for the captains two sons when needed. Although an imposter takes his place as a terrorist in the plot. The where-about of the real Balkon is still a mystery.

Virago Dues Fhenex (or the heartless scurvy or the Captain) was a world renowned sailor known for his cunning tactics in the great world war III. As a veteran in his mid 60s and now a captain of a small space shuttle, he has two sons and a dead wife lost to the war. Although he has an odd way of showing it, he loves his sons. Though at times he is portrayed as a mentally insane man twisted by postwar syndrome. He has a troubled past and has a hard time expressing his true feelings toward his sons.

Neoraxor Dues Fhenex (or Neo), brown Hair/eyes the 2nd son of the Fhenex family, and a brilliant mind in the use of computers. Although he can be rough and sometimes bluntly rubs in facts, he is a young 13 year old as the plot starts. He is really embarrassed to be with his brother, Ned, since gives the impression of a 4 year old boy.

Nedraxor Dues Fhenex (or Ned), brown hair/eyes. At the age of 16, he is 7’4” and still has yet to fully develop puberty. Despite his fathers facial features, he is more like his mother; an overwhelmingly sensitive person who easily startles and falls into tears.
He has never been at the best relationship with his father and in the end find too late to thank him in what Virago has given him just before going down with the ship.
Ned later receives brain damage from his ears bleeding, which in turn alters his emotions into what would later be considered cold, silent, and colorless feelings. With the devastation on earth and all his loved ones gone, he sees life as dull as watching the paint dry. By now his tears are long dried, and very little does he ever react to anything. Staring off into space and waiting for life to move on as it always has…

Xeoseph Van Dozier: With scientifically enhanced knowledge and corrupted by an AI micro chip placed in his skull, this person is a reoccurring villain who seems to never die enough to stay dead in the plot. His intimidating actions fueled hatred in the heart of what was once known as Neo. Though his dream for a world with artificial intelligence is his ultimate goal for “the masters” he has unethical procedures, and at times un-humanly thinking which only adds to his sinister character. Despite his insane thoughts against humans, he has plans that would surely not fail… unless a clever hacker was to catch on.
He is a mass produced clone of Sir Francis Balkon, along with the gene defected Echo Van Dozier. Xeoseph is 2nd in command as a corporate advisor for the captain of the Outcaster colony. As a result he influences the colony’s command and manipulates decision making to his own will.

NEO Dues Machina: A failed experiment of “The Masters” and the remains of an unconscious human mind morphed into radio waves. He has slipped through the fingers of his enemies through his willpower to survive. Waiting to awake from the dream like state where the human emotions have been striped from his processing core. Once known as Neoraxor Dues Fhenex, but now a ghost within the machine… he is a drifter and never settles in one mechanical body. Instead he occupies multiple terminals in the original eden colony. He also had access to the comm. satellite until it was shut down by Plymouth. Though he is one of the few savants who remain independent over his own control. And strictly takes orders from his assigned human Dyrelock. He also starts to form a mind of his own as clues to his past are unlocked. He will soon be known as a colony famous hacker who exceeds against others in his work.

Captain Zane Delfonde: He is the Captain and leader of the Outcaster colony Although he is in his mid 20s and is young for a captain, he has responsibility and knows how to use his authority in the proper manner. He also has a big heart for children, but he lacks the ability to serve his own desires until he has fulfilled his colonists. He can also be easily persuaded, and lacks proper judgment when dealing with mysteries and can’t tell when somebody is lying. In the plot he is time and again tricked by Xeoseph when he’s trying to make a decision.

Dania Burke: A young girl who is under the age of 10. She is very demanding and knows how to get her way in social situations. But she has no lack of understanding others point of view until it’s too late. As the plot unfoils, her quest to find her older sister, Emma Burke, continues throughout the story. She appears emotional, but matures quickly as she accepts the given truth. One of her pet peeves occurs when others use improper matters when addressing her. She can be very impatient and never gives up on any situation.



Intruso: The soul of operations and the one who started it all. He is the reason for the actions of Xeoseph Van Dozier and Echo Van Dozier. He is also a savant, and with a mind of his own he has experienced difficulties in the past when dealing with natural humans. He Loafs humans to an extreme point that he creates a long fully calculated scheme which has many backup plans and delusions to the truth. He is the one responsible for the hot lab explosion thus spreading the blight. Although thought to be an accident according to those on new terra, and they may not know that the masters aren’t just on new terra. A select few in the Outcaster colony soon learn the truth, before being “taken care of” when they try to spread the news to new terra. Intruso is part of a con game pretending to have Xeoseph seem like hes controlling him, but really everything Xeoseph thinks or does is perspective of Intruso. Intruso is also responsible for permanently locking the communications satellite codes when Plymouth is warned to shut it down to silence Eden.

Dyrelock Akuro: As a computer expert and enrolled in the university at her senior year, she was recruited as the robot commands centers’ co worker. She still has a lot to learn at the biological age of 17. She is very creative and has talent with understanding electronic instruments. She even has experience in engineering-mechanics. At arrival of their new colony world, she was assigned a savant by the name of NEO. Though she needs time to adjust to her new savant, she finds an astonishing discovery; NEO has a mind of his own!
Due to her still going through puberty, she is loud, enthusiastic, and sometimes hyper.
She also has a Korean background in her family history. She time and again comes to NEO with suspicions of who he really is, or what he is. She also has a huge crush on Ned, and tries to bring light into his days, but alas its no use; he just strays away. Even as the most popular female in the entire colony, he still rejects her. This makes her curious and she uses NEO to find out why. But little does she realize that NEO was once Ned’s Biological brother.

This is so we can build off these charactors and their typical thinking.
But mind you this is only for ideas for you to submit, i will be composing the final draft.
« Last Edit: March 22, 2011, 10:56:43 AM by Lord Of Pain »

Offline evecolonycamander

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Outcaster's Novella And Intro(s)
« Reply #3 on: March 10, 2011, 07:06:57 PM »
Please tell me your not going to use the whole 'human host' line. Sirbomber will have a field day with that approach. besides, the methods for AI creation are already implied to not exist on new terra or as in my storyline, terra lunar
''The blight cant get us up here!''
-famous last words
--------------o0o--------------
Outpost 2: EoM project status: Re-planning

Offline Hidiot

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« Reply #4 on: March 11, 2011, 12:15:06 AM »
Quote
Please tell me your not going to use the whole 'human host' line. Sirbomber will have a field day with that approach. besides, the methods for AI creation are already implied to not exist on new terra or as in my storyline, terra lunar
It wouldn't be just Sirbomber. Though, the others may be a bit more gentle.

But the main problem is... Terra Lunar? Really?
First off, current naming of exoplanets is still limited to a code: Name of star, dash, and a letter that implies which object in that system it is. a is the star, from b on are the other planets or secondary starts in outward order, at least as detected to date.
Second, if those who claim a moon/planet feel the need to give it a name, they'd certainly go for something less nonsensical...
"Nothing from nowhere, I'm no one at all"

Offline Lord Of Pain

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« Reply #5 on: March 11, 2011, 06:58:01 AM »
i assure you ECC, its not new terra's moon... i willl think of a moon name soon... any suggestions would be nice.

As for the moon's host planet; it is infact a planet described in plymouth navela... A gas giant infact... and with all due logics it has to be frozen.

How will they survive? well how else do you survive in harshe cold elements?

Naturale hotsprings XD

---

What do you mean human host? you mean a human's mind being savagly implanted into a machine? then yes.

also anothing thing to help us understand; outcasters did not originate from the eden/plymouth colonies...no...they came in their own starship decades behind the conestoga.

Now i know this goes against the intro... but think; the intro is from a savant who only knows the conestoga's point of view... so it wouldent know whats hidden from the eyes of that savant... but in theory there could be a plottwist adding on and explaining why the savant in the AVI did not show anymore ships... but infact we may speculate what they meant by the quote:

Quote
the "last few" survivors...

hint last few, indirectly implying there could be more. Now i know the game creators did not intent this.. But it can be placed according to their wording in the AVI.
« Last Edit: March 11, 2011, 07:15:48 AM by Lord Of Pain »

Offline evecolonycamander

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« Reply #6 on: March 11, 2011, 12:06:51 PM »
On the human host bit i say dont do it. instead use some way of bioengineering that clones a human thought process into a digital and electronic vessel. if you want this method to be unmoral then have it be described as immensely painful for the clone(d) mind.

another point is that they are also called AI's. The 'A' stands for artificial. thus you are already going against the original plot by saying they came from a natural source.

also, if you remember our conversations the 'eve' colony is on Terra Lunar b(second moon of New Terra) the outcasts we described as some secret group originating from the eve colony and posing as Plymouthions

the second starship is a tried and failed approach. I must ask you to not re-make that mistake. even the current staff couldn't pull it off in each of their separate attempts
''The blight cant get us up here!''
-famous last words
--------------o0o--------------
Outpost 2: EoM project status: Re-planning

Offline Lord Of Pain

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Outcaster's Novella And Intro(s)
« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2011, 06:07:29 AM »
Quote
On the human host bit i say dont do it. instead use some way of bioengineering that clones a human thought process into a digital and electronic vessel. if you want this method to be unmoral then have it be described as immensely painful for the clone(d) mind.

another point is that they are also called AI's. The 'A' stands for artificial. thus you are already going against the original plot by saying they came from a natural source.

also, if you remember our conversations the 'eve' colony is on Terra Lunar b(second moon of New Terra) the outcasts we described as some secret group originating from the eve colony and posing as Plymouthions

the second starship is a tried and failed approach. I must ask you to not re-make that mistake. even the current staff couldn't pull it off in each of their separate attempts
just becuase its a human being used does not mean it can't become artificial, for natural resources can be processed into artificial resources (such as ingredients for food as example).

Just becuase it used to be a human does not mean it's still natural, it could be completly re-bioengineered to work as an ai and above all when the ai has no feelings, it is not natural anymore.

Thanks for the criticism, its much appreciated.

Offline evecolonycamander

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« Reply #8 on: March 17, 2011, 12:16:28 PM »
ok, you got a point there....

but don't say the AI's dont have feelings. the original storyline shows that they can be annoyed, angered, and even dreamers

on my star ship point i would like to ad that you can say that the remaining people on new Terra used the Plymouth spaceport to shuttle to the moon in a desperate attempt to survive. it's the same approach as what i was planning so it shouldn't be all that bad
''The blight cant get us up here!''
-famous last words
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Outpost 2: EoM project status: Re-planning

Offline jcj94

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« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2011, 02:41:55 PM »
Joking around here, but


DO NOT PUSH UNLESS DOOMSDAY?

Really, you just happen to have a button like that sitting on your wall?

Offline evecolonycamander

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« Reply #10 on: March 20, 2011, 03:17:58 PM »
Quote
Joking around here, but


DO NOT PUSH UNLESS DOOMSDAY?

Really, you just happen to have a button like that sitting on your wall?
hmm.. no i do not, but i probably will be one of the nuts to quickly install one very soon. :P

(OT)
''The blight cant get us up here!''
-famous last words
--------------o0o--------------
Outpost 2: EoM project status: Re-planning

Offline jcj94

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« Reply #11 on: March 20, 2011, 05:39:09 PM »
Quote

hmm.. no i do not, but i probably will be one of the nuts to quickly install one very soon. :P

(OT)
Sorry, but I just had to point that out.  I do have large red buttons, but they are for computer shortcuts on my USB hubs...


But aynway, I like the story.

 
« Last Edit: March 24, 2011, 05:46:39 PM by jcj94 »

Offline evecolonycamander

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« Reply #12 on: March 20, 2011, 05:58:55 PM »
Quote
NECROING POSTS FOREVER!! :D
would NOT do that if i where you.... people get in trouble for it OFTEN
''The blight cant get us up here!''
-famous last words
--------------o0o--------------
Outpost 2: EoM project status: Re-planning

Offline Lord Of Pain

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« Reply #13 on: March 21, 2011, 06:23:13 AM »
don't worry, its not necroing, at least not in my eyes... Now the background history of the captain should explain alot for that big red button... im currently creating a charactor list which we can build off of so eve and others may know what the story will be like...

Thanks for the criticism JCJ, it's much appreciated.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2011, 06:10:49 AM by Lord Of Pain »

Offline jcj94

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« Reply #14 on: March 24, 2011, 05:48:25 PM »
The only issue I have would have to be grammer, but I'm not grammer turtle and I can't spel things right to begin with, so you know, its all okay  I mean, how many erors did I make in this perticular post alone...

anyway.  Good idea, blending storylines to fit i mean.3

Offline evecolonycamander

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« Reply #15 on: March 24, 2011, 06:02:24 PM »
actually, my material is dry and his is too much into making everything sound dreadful(living up to user names anyone? :P). we really need someone who can lighten the material
''The blight cant get us up here!''
-famous last words
--------------o0o--------------
Outpost 2: EoM project status: Re-planning

Offline jcj94

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« Reply #16 on: March 24, 2011, 06:25:48 PM »
Quote
actually, my material is dry and his is too much into making everything sound dreadful(living up to user names anyone? :P). we really need someone who can lighten the material
OH OH OH OH OH

*raises hand* PICK ME, PICK ME!!!

I CAN HELP!!

lol, but seriously, I can help.  After FIRST season Is over ( when I get back from Saint Louis National Competition) then, I can sit down and work on EVERYTHING OP2 from now until the next year start of season.  I have no social life other than here and facebook anymore.  I do get out and exercise with mah puppy, however, so there is always that.

 

Offline evecolonycamander

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« Reply #17 on: March 24, 2011, 06:52:03 PM »
show me a sample then see what the other members say.
''The blight cant get us up here!''
-famous last words
--------------o0o--------------
Outpost 2: EoM project status: Re-planning

Offline Lord Of Pain

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« Reply #18 on: April 14, 2011, 10:35:26 AM »
Quote
actually, my material is dry and his is too much into making everything sound dreadful(living up to user names anyone? :P). we really need someone who can lighten the material
Great analysis!

This was rather the goal or point of the story; it's suppost to be depressing and make you cry.

But why? Certain people (not many) grab a feeling inside them that churns and satisfys the taste for a good story when its depressing, others like commedians, some like action... drama... ect. Some examples of sad endings come from as early as shakespear such as hamlot (where everyone dies). Which inspired me to make a dramatic-sad ending story.

Though alas unlike hamlot however, not everyone dies.

Not to mention the re-appearing Sir Francis Balkon clone (aka Xeoseph).

Btw has anyone read any of the character lists yet? I've been waiting for comments on that edit i made on my 2nd post. Constructive critic would be most appreciated.

Offline jcj94

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« Reply #19 on: April 14, 2011, 11:38:58 AM »
Quote
show me a sample then see what the other members say.
You have read one of my samples... speaking of that Novellla, I need to get back to writing it.. :/  Guess I know what I'm doing when I get home!
 

Offline evecolonycamander

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Outcaster's Novella And Intro(s)
« Reply #20 on: April 14, 2011, 01:43:24 PM »
Quote

Btw has anyone read any of the character lists yet? I've been waiting for comments on that edit i made on my 2nd post. Constructive critic would be most appreciated.
as a rule, i never bother with character lists. they ether ruin some of the 'wtf, where'd that twist come from?!' moments, or take away from reader interpretation.
''The blight cant get us up here!''
-famous last words
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Outpost 2: EoM project status: Re-planning

Offline Lord Of Pain

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Outcaster's Novella And Intro(s)
« Reply #21 on: April 15, 2011, 06:12:10 AM »
my teacher told me a character list would make things less confusing in the story.... but now im thinking shes ruining it without knowing my intent of how its suppose to play out.

But hey she can always help with my poor grammar.
« Last Edit: April 15, 2011, 06:13:02 AM by Lord Of Pain »

Offline jcj94

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Outcaster's Novella And Intro(s)
« Reply #22 on: April 15, 2011, 02:00:33 PM »
*Looks at LOP*  Yeah, even mine has grammar issues, but some ARE INTENTIONAL.   I mean, come on, even a computer can end up pronouncing things wrong, or use the past future when only a future is needed.  And then again, humans have the bad habit of having bad grammar when they are angry.