Author Topic: The Patton  (Read 2288 times)

Offline Combine Crusier

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The Patton
« on: May 25, 2007, 06:39:58 AM »
NEW!!!

Chapter 0: Section: Starship history

Before the Vulcan’s Hammer incident the Trinidad was the only starship in service. However when the asteroid was sighted the Conestoga was constructed due to the fact that the Trinidad was currently going through a total refit of its engines and reactors on Mars. The Trinidad’s first engines and reactors were not fusion units but were in fact fission. The Trinidad was originally used to transport colonists to Mars and Jupiter’s moons however the refit was intended to allow the ship to travel greater distances so a mining station could be established near Pluto so the outermost asteroids could be mined. However, once Earth had been crippled the Mars colonies decided to use the ship to go even farther which would require all the power of its engines. After both the Trinidad and the Conestoga were constructed other starships were constructed, the (Maesis starship), the Atlantis, the Majoris, the Phoenix, and the Patton. The Majoris, the Phoenix, and the Patton were all military starships designed to destroy meteors headed for the colonies of the other starships however they were also given a substantial number of people so they could establish their own colonies.
« Last Edit: February 27, 2008, 05:28:23 PM by Combine Crusier »
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Offline Hooman

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« Reply #1 on: May 25, 2007, 10:09:21 PM »
Hmm, somewhat interesting, but a few comments.

First, you spelt mutiny wrong.

What does the section title "Birth Right" have to do with the story? There's really nothing linking the two.

I think the story proceeds a bit too quickly. It doesn't seem to have the right flow to it. I think there are too many important events that only find themselves a paragraph of explaination. It seems like an entire section should be devoted to elaborating on the details.

Also, there's a bit too much surprise and shock in your story. It just can't be maintained. It's like what that comedian (I forget his name) said about raising your eyebrows. It leaves you nowhere left to go. Picture someone who just received some surprising family news and has raised his eyebrows in surprise. Now someone leans in and tells him there is life on Mars. There's really nothing more he can do to look more surprised. People need time to get over their shock before you can shock them again, particularly when the events are unrelated and occur at a very different time.

Why was the station destroyed? Was it something to do with the incomming meteor that was mentioned, or was that meteor headed for Earth and there just happened to be a reactor malfunction at the same time. And why are they automatically headed to the stars for a new home. I think people need more than 20 seconds to make that sort of decision.  ;)

Also, why was the discovery of the wreck frightening? From the way it was phrased, it sounds almost like they'd acidentally stumbled into a port full of pirates, and if they didn't back out slowly, unnoticed, they would risk certain death by evil hands. The second thought being, ok a ship containing some of the last survivors of the human race has crashed landed and they're probably all dead. What a disaster. But that was only the second though.

Why the detail about order "12-01" or the number of each vehicle in the convoy. I think those sorts of details either need to be built slowly into the story or left out, rather than simply listed.

Why are they setting up a colony and waiting months before investigating the crash, which could very well indicate this isn't a safe place to be setting up a colony. (and why do they already have microwave lynxes?)

I think the power still being on would be better indicated by some sort of panel that was still lit or controls that were still active. Buzzing usually means high voltage. You don't find a lot of high voltage things on a space craft as far as I can tell. I might expect a lot of electronics, but they usually consume very little power, such as 5V or less, and very few amps. Power is usualy not in great supply on spacecraft so they would probably try to conserve it in their designs.

And the details about the hallucinations? Not only are they ridiculous, but how would anyone even know that? How can you possibly know what's going on in a crazy person's mind. Besides, even if they were hallucinating, they probably still have part of their rational mind telling them so, and to be a little more reluctant about killing themselves and each other. Besides, something about mutated viruses making people crazy and do weird things sounds a little too "the original Startrek" low buget episode like. (But hey, I'll give you credit for not making it some sort of love bug where they all fall passionately in love with each other   <_< ).


Viruses are not fungus. Make up your mind.  :P

Is the guy going mad or not? Why is he going mad, and then suddenly he's fine. I don't get it.

I'm getting a bit sick of hearing "Ragnar" constantly. Maybe it's time to introduce more named characters?  B)
 

Offline BlackBox

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« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2007, 06:48:48 AM »
Quote
I think the power still being on would be better indicated by some sort of panel that was still lit or controls that were still active. Buzzing usually means high voltage. You don't find a lot of high voltage things on a space craft as far as I can tell. I might expect a lot of electronics, but they usually consume very little power, such as 5V or less, and very few amps. Power is usualy not in great supply on spacecraft so they would probably try to conserve it in their designs.
Assume there are CRT monitors somewhere onboard? (Most color CRT's use an anode voltage of at least 15 kilovolts (though, the current is very low... < 15 mA usually).

The screen and focus voltages are lower, with the screen voltage being around 5 kV max, the focus voltage is usually less than 1.5 kV. (The screen and focus supplies are at higher current levels however, enough to kill someone should it wind up passing through their heart).

Magnetrons (such as the ones in a microwave oven) operate at very high current and voltage levels and if there were any onboard they would require an appreciable amount of power to operate. (Most operate at 2-5 kV and around 2A when running). So if they were needing to generate microwaves (for radar / communication / cooking food perhaps? :P) they would need supplies capable of outputting near-mains voltage to power these.

Other thing, high voltage could be used as an ignition source (modern electronic ignition systems used in new gasoline engines utilize often 50kV or more).

On a totally unrelated side note, I have had one unfortunate incident when repairing TVs. I accidentally made contact with a metal contact near the end of the CRT (probably either the screen or focus supply) when the TV was turned on. Luckily it was only one hand (that's why they say one hand in pocket when working with high voltage, because otherwise it is possible for currents to travel across your heart and kill you / cause major problems).
I will say that it was extremely painful (no damage done in the way of burns or anything, at least that I could see, but it felt like I had just put my hand against something really hot (temperature-wise not electrically-wise). Had my other hand been touching a ground inside the TV I would probably be dead (would have caused heart fibrillation and I was in a place where I probably wouldn't have been found for quite a long time).
Needless to say, if you ever work with high voltage, be careful. Especially if you work on a microwave. (probably instantly lethal if you come into contact with the current from the magnetron). The incident hasn't scared me away from working on high voltage (I am just that much more careful since I figure, you only get lucky once).
« Last Edit: May 31, 2007, 06:51:19 AM by op2hacker »

Offline Combine Crusier

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The Patton
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2007, 06:53:27 AM »
What the world is this reply for?

EDIT: This reply was so small I didn't want to waste the room.

Oh I see what your saying now thanks to the explanation spirit1flyer gave me about your explanation op2hacker.

Thanks!
« Last Edit: May 31, 2007, 12:59:49 PM by Combine Crusier »
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Offline spirit1flyer

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« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2007, 08:06:21 AM »
He was pointing out a few options to indicate power being on, and he was also explaining why that much power could be there from the buzz.
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« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2007, 04:11:29 PM »
Revised
Chapter 1: Section: Birth Right:

As the meteorite approached the station red warning lights lit the control room of the Jupiter Mining Stations control room. With panic rising the commander of the Patton ordered that procedure 12-01 be carried out, at that moment the docking clamps explosive bolts detonated leaving the Patton free of the station, the secondary ion rockets fired pushing the Patton away from the station and in less than 20 seconds the crew felt the jolt of the explosion of the station as it's main fusion reactors exploded. The commander then order all ahead full and the Patton flew off into the stars, with that her crew entered cryogenic suspension in hopes of making a life on another world.

By the time the Phoenix Voyager reached Cythera the Patton had reached a planet that was suitable to be landed on, Felariss V. The planet had a basic atmosphere of nitrogen and carbon-dioxide, with the gravity of Venus and a distance that was between Earth and Mars distance from the Sun. As the Patton entered orbit its observation telescope rotated on it's turret to observe the planet in detail, when it located the perfect site it began to revive the crew onboard. The first to be revived was its commander who eagerly woke and went into the command center. As he personally observed the pictures he spotted what appeared to be a star-ship, as he focused the scope on a portion of the ship he felt a surge of fear as he noticed the insignia, it was the insignia of the Trinidad.

As the first of three seed factories was launched Commander Ragnar called a staff meeting in order to determine the setup of the three colonies, it was decided that each colony would start with 200 colonists as the Patton's crew compliment was 620. After the first colony had been deemed operational Commander Ragnar ordered that the Low Orbit Freighter be launched with the first group of colonists and supplies, he was to be onboard that freighter.

Only seven months had passed since the first colony was populated and there was already a fully operational spaceport, this was probably due to the minerals discovered in the mountain range directly west of the colony. Now Commander Ragnar felt that the colony was strong enough to deploy a scout convoy to investigate the wreck of the Trinidad, he decided he would be in this convoy.
He decided that the convoy would have 4 Convecs with structures, 4 Microwave Lynx, 2 Earthworkers, 1 Robo Dozer, 1 Robo Surveyor, 2 Robo Miners, 2 Transports and 7 scouts. As the convoy approached the wreck Ragnar ordered the construction of the base and within eight hours the Tokomak, CC, SF, and Adv. Lab were up and running.

As Ragnar and 7 guards entered the air-lock of the Trinidad he heard a constant low humming sound, THE POWER WAS STILL ON!!! He instantly thought that some of the crew may have survived! After the internal door opened they entered, what they saw sent a chill down their spines. There were corpses strewn all over the floor with evidence of weapons fire, and not the small kind either. At first they assumed a mutiny had occurred but when they reached the bridge one of the guards ran out of there. There was blood all over the walls and body parts on the floor. Ragnar walked up to the control panel that was still glowing with activity, as he observed the logs he almost went into a panic....................... The Trinidad had brought a contagion from Earth, apparently it had mutated during the voyage and had become a hallucinogenic which had apparently caused the revived crew members to panic and fight each-other. As he glanced through the commanders logs he found that apparently the commander of the Trinidad believed that what must of been his crew-members were actually giant termites that were armed and dangerous, it had also apparently caused the navigation officer to steer the ship direct down onto the planet because he thought that they were being chased by a cheese loaf. But when Ragnar glanced at the bio scanner records he jumped, for he saw on the panel the warning saying that the contagion could leech into and through things (like the blight). He quickly had his men go into the cryogenic housing portion of the star-ship and they began to take ENTIRE pods out to the vehicles, this task was made easier by the transport carts on the star-ship. After all the pods had finally been loaded onto a total of 10 cargo trucks, (that had been constructed by the outpost) they began to head back to base. When they got back Ragnar was the first to enter the decontamination chamber, almost instantly the alarm for unidentified contagion sounded. However the contagion was still removed after an 80% saturation of decontaminants. He immediately headed for the Adv. Lab where the pods were being opened, when he got there they were just opening the first pod, little did they know what horrors awaited them.

Chapter 1: Section: Live or Dead?

Two and a half years had passed since the recovery of the crew from the Trinidad and no new events had occurred. There were now 7 colonies altogether and all of them were making a living out of planets surface. Ragnar had recently been ordered by the high council (representatives from all colonies) to reinvestigate the Trinidad for clues as to what had happened to the contaminant, as it had turned out the contaminant that he had brought back from their initial journey was just some form of fungus which had been released when the ship crashed.

As the internal door to the Trinidad opened a rush of air came blowing at them as the change in pressure caused a small breeze which could be felt through the light enviro. suit, a chill was sent down Ragnar's spine a chill which caused him to remember the first time he was here. Ragnar began to search one cryogenic chamber after another until he came upon one which had been sealed by the ships computer, as the guards that accompanied Ragnar cut through the door he felt the same chill as he did when the air-lock opened only there was no breeze this time, he spun around just as the guards began to open the doors, what he saw horrified him. The cryogenic pods had been broken open and half decomposed corpses lied on the floor, he froze when he thought he saw one of the corpses move. Ragnar and the guards continued to search the chamber and found a total of 20 bodies which was four less than the number of pods, Ragnar began to observe one of the closed pods and saw a person inside of it, despite the fact that the cryogenic seal had been fractured the pod still registered as being operational, this concerned him.
Before he could straighten back up an arm came down from a ventilation access and hit him in the back. When he spun round to see what had hit him he screamed. The life form that the arm belonged to was one of the guards; he looked as though he had been through a field of thorn bushes the only difference was that half of his skull was stripped to the bone. Ragnar screamed at the top of his lungs as the guard laid in the vent in pain and agony, oh yes he was alive. Ragnar awoke with sweat running down his forehead; apparently he had only been hit on the back by a loose vent grate. But then he remembered what the logs said about the hallucinogenic, he instantly shook the thought out of his mind and got up. However, one of the guards was missing! Ragnar became confused as to whether or not he had dreamed or not, he finally checked the vent and when he looked inside he shuddered as there was a blood trail in the vent and a low moaning coming from inside. His confusion was almost instantly vaporized when he found that the guard had fallen from a vent shaft and had only broken a rib, but what was the blood trail from. The guard explained that there were corpses in the vents also and that some may have come from that vent, this ended Ragnar’s confusion.

Chapter 1: Section: The entity?

Back at the research lab motors sounded as the cryogenic pod opened revealing a female crewmember with an age of about 24 years. Almost immediately she showed signs of hypothermia, probably from the damage done to the pod, the doctor on site began treatments at once however she had slipped into coma shortly after arriving at the medical center. By nightfall Ragnar was the only one present in the room with the survivor who the logs had confirmed as Dr. Carissa Duffries. Shortly after the equivalent of 1:30 A.M. Dr. Duffries awoke in a sweat and severe reparation, Ragnar attempted to calm her down but it was of no use. (Skipping several specific details due to content) Her chest exploded open and a Ragnar saw a strange object phase THROUGH the wall of the Medical center he quickly looked out of a nearby window but saw nothing, but when he turned around he did see a corpse walking toward him. In fright he pulled out his .62 caliber pistol and fired, it did indeed hit the target but with no effect. He then picked up a scalpel a thrust it into the brain of the corpse which immediately fell over. Ragnar then screamed and within 10 seconds 4 guards and a doctor were on scene.

Almost the instant the autopsy began a small leech-like creature was found inside of her skull, it had apparently cut in two when Ragnar thrust the scalpel into Dr. Duffries brain, he was thankful that they still had unusually long obsolete tools despite the fact he hated knifes. A guard then escorted him to the nearby dirt and showed him a recording from a scout that had been facing the medical center at the time of the incident, as the scout focused in he clearly saw a sleek black leech-like life form inside a ball of glowing blue energy. When he asked the guard why this wasn’t found in other corpses on the ship the guard said “The doc thinks that the cryogenic systems interfered with it’s actions and caused it to end up coming out of the chest instead of the” he paused “other entrance and exit points such as the mouth..”. Just then another guard entered and began telling Ragnar about an incident at the Trinidad with the engine room which had recently been unsealed. Apparently the magnetic field of the fusion drive had attracted these organisms which were apparently specimens that had been infected by the contaminant but instead of killing the creatures it changed their genetic structure. Ragnar then got up and looked out of one of the windows that had a view of the Trinidad and as he watched it exploded in a loud roar, Ragnar was shook to the ground along with everyone else and when he got up their was only a smoking crater that approached within 100 yards of what had once been a guard post, almost a second after alarms began to ring as the DIRT teams were called into action.

There were two separate things that were on the ship... maybe three.
That was a differently meteor that hit the station.
He was actually having a nightmare when he was hit on the back of the head.
Birth Right - The right to survive......

Chapter 1: Section: Briefings:
The door slammed shut behind them as they entered the nursery that had been damaged by the explosion, while most of the people were out of the structure there were still 2 children unaccounted for. As Ragnar opened another door leading deeper into the nursery he was choked with smoke, putting on his goggles he looked around for one of the children. He found both of them huddled inside of a storage unit that had an air tight seal, despite the fact their oxygen had began to run low inside from what he could see they were alright. He dragged them out of the nursery just as the DIRT team members came out. After being given a medical examination Ragnar headed over to the Standard lab where one of his friends was doing a bit of research. As the lab doors opened he could see what his friend Dr. Petroskey was working on, it was an orb of some sort that was attached to a cylinder.
Ragnar: “What is that thing?”
Petroskey: “It’s an electron flux pulse weapon.”
Just then a message came over the intercom requesting that both of them report to the Command Center at once. When Ragnar and Petroskey finally made it there they were briefed by the director of colony six’s defense force, Allen Mc Caster.
Allen: “Alright you two I don’t know what you’ve been doing recently but this definitely will far outweigh whatever it was.”
Ragnar: (With a bored voice) “What is it this time?”
Allen: “Ok, you want it direct? Fine… At 12:00 P.M. Earth time yesterday we lost contact with colony seven which had been studying the wreckage brought back from the Trinidad, we believe that some of the recent wreckage that they were studying could have been a portion of the ships main drive systems. If this hypothesis is correct we would like to try and recover this device and to try and find out what has happened to the colonists at the colony.”
Petroskey: “What was the colonies last transmission?”
Allen: “The colonies last transmission said that they had experienced a severe power loss and that several of their key systems were running on battery power.”

Chapter 1: Section: The lost colony:
As the scout crested the ridge Petroskey could see an orange glow in the distant horizon. He knew this was odd as the planets parent star was presently behind them! The only other solution that popped into his head was that a volcano erupted. This was no surprise to him as he had seen several dozen eruptions of varying strengths on this planet. The scout then stopped in a sudden jolt and one of the accompanying guards spit his coffee. Petroskey climbed up in the front cabin to see Ragnar starring at absolutely nothing but landscape and sky.
Ragnar: “We should be able to see the colonies main beacon light by now…. Where the world is it?”
Petroskey: (Sarcastically) “You didn’t drive around the entire planet again did you?”
Ragnar: (Chuckles) “I certainly hope not, I’ve got to calculate the number of kilometers we drive on this thing!”
Petroskey: “Why?”
Ragnar: “Because the wheels on this thing get banged up pretty bad after so many Km’s!”
Petroskey: “Doesn’t feel like we have been on bumpy ground.”
Ragnar: “Yes… Exactly, you can’t tell until it’s down to the bare rim!”
Guard: “Are we going to move out or not!”

The scout accelerated and quickly crossed the rock flats and made its way to the crest of the Melarin Valley. When it reached the crest and began the trip down the steep slope it began to bounce violently. A few minutes latter the scout had reached the valley floor and began to move towards the colonies main entrance, it then stopped at the gate.

Ragnar: “Open darn-it!! OPEN!!”
5 seconds later, Ragnar: “Screw it!”

The scout backed up and then quickly accelerated forwards plowing through the gate with its specially mounted dozer plow. As they drove by several structures they could see signs of damage (though they couldn’t tell what type) on all of the buildings. Ragnar then pulled the scout up next to one of the colonies agridomes and went into the back of the scout and put on his helmet which the other people in the scout did also, Ragnar proceeded by getting out a cutting torch and opening the scouts bottom hatch and cutting a hole through the tube which he had parked the scout on top of. As the personnel aboard the scout climbed down into the tube they smelled the scent of something rotting, of course they all hoped that it was just spoiled food from the colonies agridome which they were next to. However the smelled had the distinct characteristics of meat…. Or flesh.

At last they were at the bulkheads leading into the Advanced Lab, they hadn’t seen anybody or anything so far all they could hope for now was that everything stayed that way. The doors opened revealing a less than expected site… Where the interior of the lab was sup-post to be there was a huge whole leading deep into the ground. Everyone looked at each-other in confusion until one of the guards said “Now what are we sup-post to do?” after which Petroskey said “Let’s go check out the Command Center.” And they began making their way there. When they got to the Command Center Ragnar found a research log about the organism that was in Dr. Duffries brain which had been transferred to this colony. Apparently the organism was a research specimen that was altered by the crew so it would cure the hallucinogenic; this was before they all went mad. It also said that the logs taken from the Trinidad claimed that the creature didn’t react with the hallucinogenic the way they wanted it to. As he continued to look through the report it seemed to link the creatures, the fungus, and the hallucinogenic together; this disturbed Ragnar as he found it unlikely that such a coincidence had occurred. Just then something inside the air vent located at the bottom of the left wall growled. When a guard removed the grating he was BIT, not by one of the alien creatures but a dog. Despite the pain he laughed hysterically and said “Man I was about ready to run out of my skin.” Ragnar looked at the dog suspiciously and walked up to it, pulled out a small pair of medical scissors and poked a lump on the back of the dog which move back, he poked it again and it move farther and farther back until it… well, plopped out. When the object did this Ragnar grabbed it without hesitation or looking but when he did he screamed for a container, IT WAS ONE OF THE CREATURES. Its slippery body was difficult to keep a grip on but he managed to hold it until Petroskey got a plastic specimen container. When the creature was secured Ragnar ordered it taken to the scout with the dog, after which Ragnar and the rest of the men headed for one of the nearby residences. As they walked into the main lobby something moved in the shadows which one of the guards (Mark) didn’t hesitate to shoot. However instead of scarring it, it caused it to charge him but was met by a pain inflicting coat wrack which knocked it ironically unconscious. Petroskey then dropped the bent coat wrack and took a scalpel from his belt; he cut open the animal’s stomach and leaped back when he saw what was inside, it was a partially digested human body! Suddenly roaring could be heard throughout the structure and Ragnar’s mouth dropped open in shock. Ragnar and everybody else ran out of the structure, while doing this Ragnar through an explosive behind him and hit the seal button, just as it closed a massive dent was made in it from one of the animals, Ragnar hit the shiny big red button on a remote and there was a bang. This didn’t improve things at all as they could now hear roaring from the entire colony! When they got back to the scout and the hatch had just barely closed, Ragnar stepped on the accelerator and went THROUGH the wall! When the vehicle was a distance of about 400 yards Ragnar called the Patton and said “Code Alpha one dash zero one!” Then in orbit the belly of the Patton opened to the sides and up revealing several massive laser cannon turrets which aimed precisely at Colony Seven and fired several times. Back on the ground Ragnar saw giant flashes and explosions as the colony was bombarded from orbit.

The pain was finally over……… for now.

Chapter 1: Section: Autopsy:

The clock alarm sounded meaning it was 5:30 A.M. Earth Time, however the clock was suddenly interrupted by a loud “BANG” which just so happened to have come from Ragnar’s pistol. Ragnar began to fall back asleep however just as he did he was pulled out of bed and was being dragged down the hall. Then he remembered telling the guard that was on duty that night to drag him to command if he wasn’t up at 5:34 A.M. When they finally got to the doors to the Advanced Labs Bio Lab Ragnar was still partially asleep. However despite being sleepy he stood up and the guard then opened the door, what Ragnar saw inside spooked him. The walls had laser cuts all over the place and the table in the middle of the room was tipped over, Ragnar stepped inside. He looked to his left and saw Dr. Petroskey with a plasma torch firing it at something in front of him where Ragnar couldn’t see. He walked towards Petroskey and saw that he was torching the specimen. Shortly after Ragnar saw this Petroskey stopped, removed his mask, and turned towards Ragnar.

Ragnar: “What were you doing and what happened in here?”
Petroskey: (guard sneezing in the background) “This blasted thing won’t die!!”
Ragnar: “It doesn’t seem to be moving now.”
Petroskey: “Because I welded it to the table!”
Ragnar: “Ah… What have you found out about it so far?”
Petroskey: “Well we were correct to assume that the first creature we did an autopsy on was messed up by the cryogenic systems however this one has a skin that reflects light like a mirror!”
Ragnar: “So that’s what all the laser streaks are from?”
Petroskey: “Yes…. Also I have found out by X-ray that this thing has the internal design of a leech… Well almost, also it appears that the logs at Colony 7 were correct, these creatures had been altered to counter the hallucinogenic but after the creatures were given some of the fungus they reacted to it incorrectly but the ones that didn’t eat the fungus worked… for awhile anyhow.”
Ragnar: “So what does that mean?”
Petroskey: “It means that the fungus magnifies the hallucinogenic when it has been consumed and digested in the case of these creatures they adapted because they believed they were in a different environment which was made possible by the fact that they were already altered by the Trinidad’s crew.”
Ragnar: “Ouch!”
Petroskey: “No joke.”
Guard: “Why don’t you just counter the hallucinogenic?”
Petroskey: “The hallucinogenic has change since it was exposed to the fungus… I don’t know where to start on a cure. Also I should warn you that anyone that becomes infested with one of these creatures they will receive hallucinations also.”

Just then Mark walked in with several stitches on his forehead.

Ragnar and Petroskey: (At the same time) “What happened to you?”
Mark: “I hit my head on the hatch from rushing into the scout so quickly!”
Petroskey: “Speaking of the Trinidad how many colonists were we able to get out before it exploded?”
Mark: “I believe that we have accounted for 820 of 1042 colonists and crew members, which means that there are… were about 230 colonists per colony, minimum.”
Ragnar: “Yes and that’s accounting for the minimum crew complement of the Patton which is 20.”
AI: “Warning vortex approaching colony… course… this structure.”
Ragnar: “CRAP!!! RUN!!!”

Ragnar woke in the spaceport, his lower body concealed underneath a support beam. Ragnar tried lifting the support beam but it was too heavy, he tried until he was out of breath. Suddenly Mark appeared and they both tried and succeeded in lifting the beam, Ragnar got up and began to look for Dr. Petroskey, he found him lying almost entirely underneath another support structure. After Petroskey was out from underneath the support Ragnar noticed that there were no alarms sounding and no emergency lights, and they began to move towards Robot Command Center 4-04. However when they entered the vehicle factory Ragnar climbed up to the observation port and looked out he found that a large portion of the colony was destroyed and he then realized that the reason that there were no emergency systems in operation was that the colony was in a black out situation. Just then the structure shook and groaned as the spaceport they had just came through exploded. The structure began to collapse around them, the platform Ragnar was standing on fell. Suddenly all became silent.

End of Chapter 1:
 
« Last Edit: February 10, 2008, 07:34:36 PM by Combine Crusier »
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Offline Combine Crusier

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« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2007, 06:59:57 AM »
Chapter 2: Section: Terror of the Planet:

Ragnar awoke in a half lit room; he seemed to be lying on a small one-person bed. Then clouds outside shifted and let more light in. It was then that he could tell that he was in one of the colony’s many medical centers due to the equipment in the room. He also noticed that the only thing lighting up the room was coming from the large observation window in the room. He got up and began to move towards the door; however, just as he reached the door he heard a roar. Ragnar swung open the door and ran for the airlock, just as he reached the internal door to the airlock he was touched by a hand. Ragnar swung around to find that it was Mark, Ragnar sighed with a small amount of relief but he knew they had to get out of there. He pressed the open button and the door to the inside of the airlock began to open, but as the door opened Ragnar saw one of the animals inside and slapped Mark (who was turned around) on the back. Mark spun around, saw the animal, and fired several pistol rounds at it. The animal began to charge them but was met by a blast from Mark’s shotgun that he had had on his back. They stepped inside and put their Hostile Environment Protection Suits on, and then they opened and stepped out of the outside door of the airlock. Once outside Ragnar could see that the tubes leading to the Command Center were destroyed. However he also saw something that caused him to shudder and feel despair… the Command Center was totally vaporized! Just then Mark saw a Convec nearby them; they ran towards it and got inside. Ragnar began to drive in the direction of the garage when he saw a familiar figure… It was Petroskey! Petroskey had apparently managed to get outside and out in the open where he could easily be seen. Ragnar drove over and let Petroskey get in the Convec and then continued to drive towards the garage. As the vehicle rolled into the garage Ragnar could see signs of gun fire and plenty of blood and bodily remains. Just as the Convec pulled into one of the repair pads Ragnar saw something move and after it moved out of the shadows some more he noticed that it was one of the workers, however the worker appeared to have orange colored saliva on his chin which Ragnar knew wasn’t normal. Ragnar, Mark, and Petroskey got out of the vehicle and began to move towards one of the scouts in the docking bay however Mark noticed that the strange worker was following them and spun around. Just then a guard ran out of the corridor connecting the garage and into the repair bay. When the guard entered he fired at the worker repeatedly; what appeared to be the skin of the worker just fell away and revealed a strange creature that appeared to have an exoskeleton like body armor. By now the guard was firing at point blank range and the creature just spun around; grabbed the guard and had a tube like object come out of its mouth and go into the guards. The guard dropped his weapon and seemed to be paralyzed. Mark didn’t watch anymore and leapt into the scout which Ragnar and Petroskey were already in. Ragnar then hit the accelerator and gripped the steering wheel as the scout jerked forward, he drove with so much fright that he ran over the guard and the creature in the middle of the bay and nearly missed the exit of the garage. As soon as the scout exited the garage completely Ragnar began to drive it towards the only maximum security base on the planet, Colony 5.

Chapter 2: Section: Valley of Terrors:

It was about eleven hours since they had left the garage of the colony and the time was beginning to take its toll on Ragnar.

Ragnar: “Ok guys we are approximately one hundred and thirty two miles from Colony Four so is it ok if I take a rest and let this scouts engines cool down?”

Ragnar’s question did not get a reply and so he turned around and found both Mark and Petroskey sleeping on the floor of the scout. Rather than wake either one of them up Ragnar just reclined the chair that he was sitting in and fell asleep. Ragnar awoke about seven hours latter to find himself on the floor and Mark driving the scout. As he began to sit up the scout hit an abnormally large bump which sent Ragnar and Petroskey flying through the air. Petroskey was lucky enough to hit a spare sleeping bag that was secured to the roof however Raganar had a close encounter of the fourth kind with the ceiling and was instantly knocked out. Only about five minutes later Ragnar awoke again only this time he woke up because of a very large empty bag of cheesy puffs had landed on his face. Ragnar quickly removed the bag from his face and sat up. He then began to crawl towards the front of the scout where he would be able to see outside. When he got there he climbed into the copilots seat (the seat where a person would sit to watch the sensory equipment) and fastened his seat belt. After he had secured himself in the chair he looked up to see that they were currently in a large valley, however as he continued to look outside he noticed a small black object sitting on some rocks. He quickly told Mark to stop the scout. As soon as the scout stopped a strange field that glowed blue formed around the object, almost two seconds after this happened the object flew towards the scout. Suddenly the scout shook and Ragnar spun his seat around to see the object was in fact one of the small leech-like creatures. Ragnar’s eye’s opened wide with fear as the creature floated towards him, suddenly it stopped about two inches from his face and suddenly it backed up slightly and then flew through the side of the scout and in the direction of Colony 5. Ragnar’s only thought was “Bastard!”

Ragnar turned his seat and told Mark to continue driving but suddenly the scouts sensors lit up like Christmas and the intercom said “Enemy sighted!!!” Ragnar spun around to face the sensors and saw twenty three blips moving rapidly towards the scout in all directions. Ragnar looked outside to see several large dog-like creatures (similar to the one at the residence in Chapter 1: Section: The lost colony :) headed towards them. Just then Mark hit the accelerator and the scout moved forward running over several of the creatures and causing the three people inside to hear loud crunching sounds.

Chapter 2: Section: Deception:

It had been ten days since the incident in valley and there hadn’t been another encounter with the dog creatures and the scout was now approaching a ridge overlooking Colony Five.

Mark: “Ok boys we’ll be within visual range of Colony Five in about two minutes here so….”
Petroskey: “You are assuming that the Colony wasn’t invaded by those things and self-destructed.
Mark: “Right… Like they’d be able to get into a base that is surrounded by those new E.F.P weapons.”
Ragnar: “What the heck are you talking about (pauses a moment) E.F.P’s?”
Mark: “Those electron flux pulse weapons man!”

A few seconds later the scout halts at the top of the downward slope of a ridge and suddenly a transmission rings over the radio.”

Unknown: “Incoming!!!”
Unknown II: “It’s a scout you twit!”
Unknown: “No pretty fireworks then?”
Mark activates the scouts radio transmitter.
Mark: “This is Sergeant Mark E’ Cathaberry (at this point Ragnar’s right eye squints and his left eye opens wide) to base control, request permission to enter the base perimeter.”
Unknown: “This Corporal Allen S’ Harrison you have permission to enter via gate number three.”
Suddenly Ragnar climbs up to the radio panel.
Ragnar: “Harrison… This is Commander Ragnar, have there been any reports of a strange glowing object in the area?”
Harrison: “Well…There have been some strange events going on here, I can’t exactly explain it in words.”

Several minutes later the scout pulls into a garage and Ragnar, Mark, and Petroskey exit the vehicle.

Mechanic: “Man… Where have you guys been? Inside a SPEW tank or something?”
Petroskey: “No we were stuck in a scout with Mark for ten days.”
Mark: “What are you implying?”
Petroskey: “I’m implying that you have beans to often.”
Ragnar: “No wonder it felt so hot in there.”
The mechanic laughs as the others enter the tubes and head for the Advanced Lab.
When all three of them reach the advanced lab they find Corporal Harrison and Major Berry L’ Johnson standing in the center of the main lobby along with a blond female sitting in a corner with two guards standing beside her. Ragnar notices that one guard has a .72 caliber rifle in his hands while the other is holding an automatic grenade launcher.

Ragnar: “Planning for a party are we Major?”
Berry: “You have no idea”
Ragnar: “What?”
Berry: “She was escorted through the tubes by a lynx, that’s how shaky the situation is.”
Ragnar: “What? Ok, what the heck is going on here?”
Harrison: “Dude that woman came from the cloning facility in the Nursury!”
Ragnar: “So?”
Harrison: “You asked about the glowing entity?”
Ragnar: “Cut to it soldier!”
Harrison: “DUDE!!! SHE IS THE FREAKING ENTITY!”

Ragnar’s jaw drops open and Mark eyes bulge open.

Petroskey: “Would mind explaining how that could be?”
Harrison: “That blasted glowing entity thingy entered a residence, then entered a scientists body exited, headed into the nursery, entered and took control of a technician, activated a cloning tank, exited the technician, and entered the cloning tank.”
Petroskey: “Explain… slowly please.”
Harrison: “Alright… The dang thing was detected heading towards the south residential district of the colony and before we could get a lock on it the dang thing disappeared into one of the residences.”
Petroskey: “Continue.”
Harrison: “Apparently the blasted thing can sense people via their neural activity so it was naturally attracted to the person that was most mentally active at the time… Apparently it infected one of the scientists that was working on our worm drive systems, it must have scanned her genetic coding somehow and used that as a template for the clone.”
Petroskey: “Was anyone hurt?”
Harrison: “Yes, the blasted clone was… for awhile.”
Ragnar: (regaining his senses) “What do you mean for awhile?”
Harrison: “It’s the mutation… the dang thing has increased strength, speed, and regenerative abilities.”
Ragnar: “How?”
Harrison: “The entity is capable of creating far more powerful neuron commands than the average human so basically it has the capability to make the persons muscles act like they’ve stuck their hand in a light socket. As for the regenerative capability… it appears to be able to increase the rate of cellular regeneration, not sure how though.”
Petroskey: “How strong are we talking?”
Harrison: “We aren’t sure.. The biggest demonstration we’ve seen is when a guard flew about twenty feet through the air.”
Petroskey: “Are you drunk?”
Harrison: “No and DON’T ASK FOR AN EXAMPLE!”
Petroskey: “Why?”
Harrison: “Because the walls are the only thing keeping air inside of here.”
Ragnar: “If she is really that strong why are your guards standing right beside her?”
Berry: “Because the entity is quite passive… (glares at Harrison) unless you shoot it.”
Ragnar: “Who shot it?”
Harrison: “I did… That’s also why Lawrence is in the Medical Center.”
Berry: “Twit!!!”
Mark: “YOU GOT MY SISTER INJURED!”

Harrison begins to run as Mark charges at him.

Ragnar: (breaking into a fury): “Cut it the heck out right now!”

Mark draws his pistol and fires, narrowly missing Harrison but not another certain somebody.
 
« Last Edit: February 10, 2008, 08:13:51 PM by Combine Crusier »
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Offline Combine Crusier

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« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2008, 09:42:00 AM »
Chapter 2: Section: Unrevealed knowledge:

Suddenly Ragnar falls to the ground with a gash in his head.

Berry: “MEDIC!!!”
Petroskey: “You imbecile!”

One of the guards standing next to the blonde woman runs over and checks Ragnar’s pulse while the other guard opens a panel and presses a button that says medical emergency on it.

Guard #1: “He still got a pulse… I think that he may have been knocked unconscious from shear shock.”
Harrison: “So it’s not THAT bad?”
Guard #1: “I don’t know, I’m not a neurosurgeon!”
Then several medical response personnel enter the room and put Ragnar on a stretcher
And take him to the medical center.
Berry: “Ryan, take Mark to the brig… Butch, take Petroskey and the… detainee to the medical center, we need to know more about her.”
Both guards: “Yes sir!”

At the medical center Petroskey and several scientists are conducting bio-scans of the detainee.

Petroskey: “Ok, let’s start with the usual blood tests and brain scans.”
Samuel: “Is that wise?”
Petroskey: “well we aren’t going to know until you’ve tried it now are we?”

Petroskey then sees Albert picking up a eight inch needle.

Petroskey: “Not that freaking long!”

Albert puts the needle back and selects a shorter one; Samuel takes the needle from his hands.

Samuel: “I’ve seen how you use these things, you just jab them in at random.”
Petroskey: “So that’s why I got stomach acid as a result of a blood test?”
Butch: “What a bunch of careless twits. I’ve seen farmers act smarter than most of you!”
Petroskey: “You don’t see far…”

Suddenly Samuel goes flying through the air and hits Petroskey causing them both to fall down. Petroskey (now dazed) hears several shots ring out and then the sound of a door being closed. Petroskey gets up to find Albert, Samuel, and Butch unconscious, he quickly hits the alarm and within a moment seven guards are at the door.

Petroskey: “There’s a hostile on the loose in the building, seal off all the exits!”
Guard 1: “Alright men you heard him!”

The guards quickly run down the halls and begin sealing the building off. Petroskey makes his way through the building until he hears shooting at which moment he enters the room and finds a doctor unconscious with Ragnar still unconscious on a table. Petroskey steps into the room and is knocked down by a blow that leaves him barely conscious. A few moments later a guard enters the room and sees the detainee standing beside Ragnar with her hand over his wound. She looks up and quickly with draws her hand from Ragnar’s head.

Guard 4: “Oh my...”

Another guard comes up behind the first one, draws his weapon, and aims over the first guards shoulder.

Petroskey: (weakly) “Wait!”
Guard 7: “What?”
Guard 4: “Just wait a moment… Stand down…. Whatever you are!”
Guard 7: “Like that’s g…”

The detainee suddenly steps back into a corner and looks at the floor.

Guard 7: “Man it did work!”
Petroskey: (Getting to his feet) “Take her back to examination room, and explain what we’re doing dangit!”
Guard 4: “Yes sir!”

Suddenly Ragnar’s eyes twitch and open.

Ragnar: “I think WOW would be the appropriate word.”
Petroskey: “How are you feeling man?”
Ragnar: “Like I’ve been shot in the head by an old friend.”
Petroskey: “Got that right.”

Three hours later Petroskey and the other scientists are finalizing their X-Ray scans of the detainee when a nurse enters the room.

Nurse: “The blood results for the patient sir?”
Petroskey: (taking the folder) “Ah thank you, that will be all.”

The nurse walks back down the hall and Petroskey opens the folder.

Albert: “Man.. Why do you use those when you just have it sent to your computer?”
Petroskey: (Looking through the papers) “Because data on a computer can be easily changed and… What the heck?”

Petroskey spins around, opens a filing cabinet and finds his notes that he sent from his research on the leech creature.

Petroskey: “This cannot be good; this can’t be good at all.”
Albert: “What is it?”

Butch draws his pistol and loads it with high explosive rounds. He then looks up and realizes that the detainee is eyeing him and he quickly holsters his pistol again.

Petroskey: “According to this there are trace amounts of terraforming microbe in her bloodstream.”
Albert: “Doesn’t that stuff like pull the oxygen out of rocks and stuff?”
Petroskey: “It’s mutated?”
Samuel: “How many dang things are going to mutate on this blasted planet?”
Petroskey: (messing with his lab computer) “Hang on I’ll have to look through some things here.”
Butch: “Well?”
Petroskey: “GET RAGNAR RIGHT FREAKING NOW!”
Butch: “Ok, man no need to be so loud.”

Five minutes later Butch returns with Ragnar and Berry.

Ragnar: “Ok what the heck is going on that Butch tells me you sound like you’re going to go nuts if I don’t come here?”
Petroskey: “The terra-forming microbe has caused all this to happen!”
Ragnar: “You mean to say that a microbe told you to scream for me to come here?”
Petroskey: “No. The fungus, leeches, dog creatures, zombie things, and the blue entity they’ve all be caused or changed by the terra-forming microbe!”
Ragnar: “Right…”
Petroskey: “Look the crew of the Trinidad didn’t wait until they were on a planet to create the microbe; they created it in space and put it into cryogenic storage so that they could begin terra-forming the moment they arrived!”
Ragnar: “So?”
Petroskey: “The cryogenic temperatures and the low gravity environment wasn’t the environment that the microbe originated form. In order to cope with the new environment it mutated over the course of the journey.”
Ragnar: “And?”
Petroskey: “When the first of the crew  on the Trinidad was awakened he knew that this would only occur when the computer had found a suitable planet so he immediately opened the containers that the microbe was in little did he know that the microbe mutated into a bacteria that had hallucinogenic side effects. The thing is that this mutation formed into colonies of fungus so basically when the leech like creatures were cloned they were fed extremely concentrated dosages of the bacteria so concentrated as a matter of fact they even they were affected by it.”
Ragnar: “Are you saying that we are being overrun by creatures so small we can’t even see them?
Petroskey: “Yes sir. The new bacteria hallucinogenic side effect appears to trigger rapid and unnatural mutation.”
Butch: “Are you two stupid or something?”
Petroskey: “Why?”
Butch: (pointing at the detainee) “Because you are talking about this stuff in front of a person that is infected by it!”
Ragnar: “You aren’t going to be any trouble are you?”
Butch: “Dude, she hasn’t talked yet… Heck I doubt she can talk.”
Detainee: “No.”

Butch jumps back in amazement.
« Last Edit: October 17, 2008, 07:16:29 PM by Combine Crusier »
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Offline Combine Crusier

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« Reply #8 on: October 17, 2008, 07:16:50 PM »
Should I even continue this?

If yes I will add here.
« Last Edit: October 17, 2008, 07:17:15 PM by Combine Crusier »
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